With this ring I thee wed in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Sound familiar? How about these words? Do you promises to love her, keep her, honor her, serve and protect her, for better for worse, for richer for poorer till death do you part?
These are words from a traditional marriage ceremony. Over the times and through changes I, as a minister, have been approached by the prospective bride and groom for counseling who protested specific words of the marriage vows being spoken such as honor, protect, and serve. Many others have presented their own set of written vows and if Scriptural I would be happy to accommodate them. But to those who wanted to do away with marriage vows altogether I kindly forewent the honor of tying their knots.
This reflects the world in which we now live far from the tears at the alter many years past and the joys of becoming man and wife once experienced. It was a day to remember .Now it is a day that many wish to forget and many have. Some willingly and others need to forget because of the painful memories of abuse and the bad breath of obnoxious behavior. For months they were devoured with love and then after six months of marriage they are devoured. Sad but correctible.
As I studied the changes that have taken place at the wedding alter I was looking at some of the old fashioned commandments of God that were meant to govern, guide, and provide peace and harmony for the newly weds then and beyond the alter.
These commandments were not offered to lessen either’s power, influence, or matrimonial status. But bring happiness, order, and a living ribbon of precepts and advices meant to bring a perpetual strand of joy, discipline, and happiness throughout the matrimonial calendar till death do us part.
Some of these old fashioned commandments were found in 1 Corinthians 7. The list is graphic and goes like this.
A woman is to have her own husband. This indicates ownership in a spiritual sense. “You are mine and no others.” Not ownership as in dictatorship, manipulation, and controlling. But it means that a woman should be able to take her husband’s love and fidelity for granted. Many marriages start out where each other doesn’t even think twice about a partner cheating on him or her. Then things happen and the Vitamin D milk weakens into skim milk and water.
A wife should not have to wonder about her man. A wife and vice verse a husband has the right to take her husband’s love and fidelity for granted else it is not a true partnership. If I have to wonder everyday if my wife is true then is no more trust and trust is 100% of a marriage. We do not have to have sex, we can make the finances work with a few adjustments, we weather sicknesses, BUT the trust cannot be sacrificed or it is to the courthouse.
Ephesians 5: 25 says plainly…husbands love your wives. We do not need any clarification. These Scriptures apply to both spouses but right now the burden on my heart is toward us men and how we are to treat our wives.
I once had a young co-worker who looked to me as dad. He was in love. It was evident with the need to be off early some evenings, come to work late some mornings, frequent cell phone calls and the whispered conversations. But I guess it was the promise ring that gave it all away. One day he asked me Mr. Jim how do you know if you love someone? Right off the top of my head I told him that if he knew the worst there was to know about someone and it didn’t matter then he was in love./ They married and live happily not far from me.
If we don’t love our wives enough to live with and over look the worst there is to know then forget it. Stop now and do not cause her any further pain. Love knows things and it doesn’t matter. Love is kind in its presentation. Love is king of the hill. Love does not need to get its way. Love does not control. Love does not beat, hurt, control, and be jealous and angry then turn around and say “I love you.” Ladies, in the early dating stage if he is like this it will manifest itself. Pray and ask God that if you suspect your to-be spouse has a problem in this area to manifest it early in some way. God loves you, ladies, and it is not the will of God for you to go trough hell to get to heaven.
A rule of thumb to discern a young man’s pride and care I had in the 80’s as a young pastor was if he takes care of his car he will take care of you. I’d tell the inquiring young ladies to look at the inside of his car. If you have to use a shovel to find a seat he might not be good for you. We cannot follow that sign today because now young men take better care of their cars and dogs better than the women.
Men are to love their wives as much as they love their own bodies. Ephesians 5:28.
Today, it is difficult to follow that rule because many men put more money into hairspray (and there is nothing wrong with hairspray), car wax, weightlifting, alcohol, and pay-per-view than they do a weekend with the wife and kids. They read and join cyber clubs on better ways to care for their jeep yet won’t give their spouse an “I love you” or the first dollar in a bouquet of roses because it is too expensive.
Love leads. Remember when we went to dances It was the young man’s position to lead in the dance.
Many of us men have lost our influence to lead our spouses in love anymore. We have a record of love and consideration way too thin and a record of abuse, harshness, controlling, pouting, must-get-our-way, feel sorry, coerce our women into apologies for things not their fault way to strong. The rebuke to our record of lack of leadership in church, ministry, work, fathering, learning how to show love to our wives, and tripping in the dance of life, and other benevolent activities is deafening.
There’s just absolutely too many ways to show your love in a very inexpensive manner and not enough space or time to list them.
Wife it might take your taking leadership into your own hands for the time being while your husband is getting it together. Sad but true. However, if your husband is beating you, holding guns to your head, provoking the children and making utter fools out of you then it is time to become strong, learn to deal with it, educate yourself of your rights, love him in heart but leave him in body before you “wake up dead.”
It is not God’s will for you to remain with a man who beats you. It is not God’s will for you to remain with a man who abuses you mentality, physically, or spiritually. Spouse rape, physical harm to your body, beating your emotions with accusations that are not true out of his jealousy, rage, drug or alcohol–driven rants, verbal assaults on your weight, appearance, ability to cook, make love, raise children, or excel at work or even work a job is not God’s will and you have carte blanche to tell him to take a hike. If you need help there are people like Peace4, us, others who love you and will help you get relocated, stable, in a job, in a home, with your children, and out of his control.
It can be rough road out of this evil desert but God is able. And God is raising people today who are taking you seriously and can help you.
Did The Church Say To Stay with an Abusive Man?
If you read the story recently of Pastor Rick Warren of mega-church Saddle Back Church in California telling others to stay with their men who beat them and you are confused let me help unscramble your brain.
Many pastors use the scriptures sometimes out of context. Out of context means outside the big picture of a whole chapter or subject. God made many instructions both in the Old Law and in the New Law for men and women on how to treat and honor their spouses.
I admonish all Christians everywhere to read the Word for themselves, pray for wisdom, and ask God to apply the Word to their lives as He shows them for their particular situation.
Pastor Warren took a passage of Scripture. It says that a “woman is to not leave the man.” Possibly the pastor took this literarily and for our culture today. Not every Scripture can be applied literally today under New Testament grace. If we did then the commandments says that if a child curses his parents he is to be stoned. I have a problem killing children for cursing the parents. Punishment and self discipline yes but drop that weapon and begin loving and setting example as parents. If you don’t want Junior to use the ”f” word at school then stop using it yourself and teach him the “J” word for Jesus.
Much of what the New Testament scripture said (and Pastor Warren uses Paul’s writings to make his family doctrine) was for a culture less advanced than ours today. Apostle Paul even said that if some of these teachings create division in the church then we will have no such custom. 1 Corinthians 11:16. Paul even terms them customs not commandments.
The customs of the Amazon where a bride can be purchased for a rug or cheap neck tie does not apply in 2009 in America today where many women bring home the bacon while dads stay home and raise the kids and this is good especially when it is agreed in love on both spouse’s parts.
1 Corinthian 6:6 the Scriptures teach some of the Scriptural directives was spoken out of preference or permission and NOT by commandment of God. What works for some might not work for others and God says this is okay. God made man special. Would God not also wish man, you and I, to walk in our uniqueness and that includes our beliefs, preferences, and things that work for us though not for another.
Acts 15:10 makes the charge that many of the commandments became yokes on the necks of Christians and even admitted that forefathers of the Old Testament were not able to wear or bear the burden of these commandments.
So if there is room for discernment, one this way, and one that way, then let’s look at another Scripture regarding marriage, abuse, and divorce.
Dead Man Walking
1 Corinthians 7:39 says that as long as a husband is alive then the wife is bound “by the law” but if he is dead she is at liberty to marry whom she will. The law that the Scripture is speaking of here is the Old Testament Law regarding marriage that was stout, fierce, and unforgiving. To secure forgiveness in those days one had to offer turtle doves, livestock, and sorts of crops as sacrifice for sins or breaking even one of the commandment. I’d be out. I might have a biscuit. That’s about it. I’d be the poster child for Clint Eastwood’s movie “Unforgiven.” Every time you broke a commandment which by the way was impossible to keep any ways, you had to offer a sacrifice of some sort or walk around all year long condemned knowing you were going to hell if the Big Guy rang your door bell.
The sacrifice of Christ on Calvary changed all that and now we ask one time for God to forgive us our sins and we accept his salvation by faith and begin the process of new freedom walk in Christ! Praise the Lord.
Jesus’ grace softened the spirit of the law and now the Word says that if you believe something do not force it on someone who does not believe the same thing for that is the wrong behavior toward one another. Let each person believe as long as it lines up with the Word and God’s grace. We all have different minds and have a God-given right to form convictions and unique opinions but we DO NOT have the right to force them, ourselves, or anything else on someone else. That is what starts wars!
If a husband is dead the wife is free. Now if a husband beats his wife, creates damage to her in body or spirit then he has corrupted or caused damage to God’s vessel and the Bible says that if ANY man hurts the temple of God then God will destroy him. Read 1 Corinthians 3:17. Many interpret this to mean if man corrupts his temple with fornication, alcohol abuse or cigarette smoking then it is his vessel that will be destroyed. But it also means if a man corrupts or destroys another vessel such as his wife with bruises, blood, guns to her head, slaps his children, starves his family, or creates discord and lack of harmony to the marriage bed or life he is corrupting another vessel and he will be destroyed. May be not immediately but when he sits in prison for life he is destroyed and only Jesus forgiveness can change him and even then he has not right to even ask to go back to the family he abused and destroyed.
If the man hits, slaps, verbally abuses, emotionally abuses, stalks, or otherwise creates disharmony in the marriage bed or life then he is dead already and will not admit it. If your husband hurts you and your children and you no longer have the potential to reasonably live with him without daily fear or if you please him so that you can live with him then you do not owe him spit and you have every right to get out, leave him standing here in the cold, take your children to family, a shelter or haven, and lock him up. Pray for God to give you strength to do this for yourself and for your children. Ok?
Religion, man, family, or someone’s interpretation of the Word of God, or someone’s preference might warn you of doomsday if you leave this tragedy that God did not mean or you to deal with but you will not go to hell for jumping from in front of a moving train. You will be blessed.
Jim and Carolyn Harnage
Child and Women’s Advocate Ministry
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Minister or Pastor tells Woman to stay with her abuser??
I admire a minister for coming foward with valuable information. I place little value on minister's integrity who advise women to remain with husbands who abuse them. Most of this wisdom comes from a minister;s raising and is from a personal standpoint. Personal convictions and enforcement of Victorain practices from the pulpit or the counselor's office has no place in advising on an issue where lives are at stake.
Conservative ministers tend to treat the subject of abuse and domestic violence on the same plane with divorce. There is no comparison. We are not talking about divorce over disagreeing over the check book, purchasing too many shoes, excessive snoring, or bad breath. We are talking about facial cuts from scissors, ears chewed up with pliers, torture with barbed wire, bruised ribs and ruptured spleens from belt buckles. To advise a woman to remain in these conditions is criminal even on the part of ministers. A true minister will assist the woman in getting out of this hell on earth. To come forward with info after the fact that she is dead is not noble. I've just completed a case as a minister where info was given to me during a confession where I was legally advised that in the case of criminal activity there is no minister/client priviledge and if I did not come forward I could be viewed by the court as an accessory.
Conservative ministers tend to treat the subject of abuse and domestic violence on the same plane with divorce. There is no comparison. We are not talking about divorce over disagreeing over the check book, purchasing too many shoes, excessive snoring, or bad breath. We are talking about facial cuts from scissors, ears chewed up with pliers, torture with barbed wire, bruised ribs and ruptured spleens from belt buckles. To advise a woman to remain in these conditions is criminal even on the part of ministers. A true minister will assist the woman in getting out of this hell on earth. To come forward with info after the fact that she is dead is not noble. I've just completed a case as a minister where info was given to me during a confession where I was legally advised that in the case of criminal activity there is no minister/client priviledge and if I did not come forward I could be viewed by the court as an accessory.
What A Day!!
What a day! Blessings are popping out like sweat on a bird dog passing a peach seed.
I praise God for His love and blessings today. So many doors opened for us minister.
We had been working a child support case. Now listen folks, Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach and Child Support Recovery is more than kick-doors-in-and issue-warrants agency. We may have to strap up and do a serve however we like to go the easy route if possible and today was a blessing.
Just as we had readied for a serve I made a phone call as a last ditch effort to reach this individual. The Lord blessed and we were able to talk him into a negotiation that worked for both parents. And we had the chance to pray for this individual. As a result we were offered another job due to the confidence this man placed in our behavior and professionalism. We were going to "serve" him and ended up making friends and praying for him.
Get this. As I was sitting on the road side speaking with this individual a couple pulled up noticing our door signs. This couple was asking for help. They were about to lose their child to the courts. All of this over faulty and incorrect information provided by the truant officer. The parents had correct documentation but it's like I've said before it is difficult to get courts and goody-two shoes to listen to people who do not appear to have money. Appearances are judged and this family were being judged by appearances and their lack.
They did not know their rights. While sitting in the vehicle I contacted Legal Aid, Children Services, and juvenile court, never letting this family leave until I had got them satisfaction. At last I got them a quick hearing with the county and in the process got them an attorney through Legal Aid. My phone rang four times late this evening from them with thanks and gratitude. Oh yes, I had prayer with them by the road and God worked changes in their lives before the sun went down.
That is what is all about! Yeh!!!
As a bonus through honesty and professionalism we picked up a domestic case through one of the families as well.
If you owe child support and are having a difficult time meeting the court ordered obligations and need negotiating call us. Our agency and ministry is such that we are capable of meeting with and negotiating with both sides.
I don't like the word side or non-custodial parent. I believe that if a father loves his child he still has custody in his heart of his child. Being late on payments or behind and accumulating arrearage of unmet payments does not "always" mean that a parent does not love his child. Tragedy, sickness, lay-offs, injury, hard times and bad luck happen to both parents of the child. Being behind on payments does not always mean the dad or mom is a dead beat. Granted many and a huge portion just do not want to pay but we are not going to throw out the baby with the bath water.
We will help you negotiate your payments taking all things into consideration.
Love you lots.
Jim SMRO
I praise God for His love and blessings today. So many doors opened for us minister.
We had been working a child support case. Now listen folks, Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach and Child Support Recovery is more than kick-doors-in-and issue-warrants agency. We may have to strap up and do a serve however we like to go the easy route if possible and today was a blessing.
Just as we had readied for a serve I made a phone call as a last ditch effort to reach this individual. The Lord blessed and we were able to talk him into a negotiation that worked for both parents. And we had the chance to pray for this individual. As a result we were offered another job due to the confidence this man placed in our behavior and professionalism. We were going to "serve" him and ended up making friends and praying for him.
Get this. As I was sitting on the road side speaking with this individual a couple pulled up noticing our door signs. This couple was asking for help. They were about to lose their child to the courts. All of this over faulty and incorrect information provided by the truant officer. The parents had correct documentation but it's like I've said before it is difficult to get courts and goody-two shoes to listen to people who do not appear to have money. Appearances are judged and this family were being judged by appearances and their lack.
They did not know their rights. While sitting in the vehicle I contacted Legal Aid, Children Services, and juvenile court, never letting this family leave until I had got them satisfaction. At last I got them a quick hearing with the county and in the process got them an attorney through Legal Aid. My phone rang four times late this evening from them with thanks and gratitude. Oh yes, I had prayer with them by the road and God worked changes in their lives before the sun went down.
That is what is all about! Yeh!!!
As a bonus through honesty and professionalism we picked up a domestic case through one of the families as well.
If you owe child support and are having a difficult time meeting the court ordered obligations and need negotiating call us. Our agency and ministry is such that we are capable of meeting with and negotiating with both sides.
I don't like the word side or non-custodial parent. I believe that if a father loves his child he still has custody in his heart of his child. Being late on payments or behind and accumulating arrearage of unmet payments does not "always" mean that a parent does not love his child. Tragedy, sickness, lay-offs, injury, hard times and bad luck happen to both parents of the child. Being behind on payments does not always mean the dad or mom is a dead beat. Granted many and a huge portion just do not want to pay but we are not going to throw out the baby with the bath water.
We will help you negotiate your payments taking all things into consideration.
Love you lots.
Jim SMRO
Erie County Ohio Legislation Cutting Funds Needed to Protect and Serve the Abused
I am a little bit disturbed today as I read an article from yesterday's local newspaper. However, this article sites exactly what our ministry is all about. When you cannot depend on the government officials and law enforcement agencies to protect the children and families who are abused, they must have somewhere to turn. This is why our ministry focuses on the abused. These are the individuals who need the most help from us… Keep reading and you will understand!
The article in the Sandusky Register says that Governor Ted Strickland's proposed budget, if adopted by legislation, will seriously cut resources for the Erie County Department of Job and Family Services.
11 social workers who work for the county's abused or neglected children, will lost their jobs.
Strickland is also planning on cutting $62 million allocated for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) funds.
Due to the lack of staff, many children's abuse cases will go unattended such as the little three year old boy who died in 1990 when his mother's boyfriend put him in a bathtub of scalding water. The boy's family had been previously investigated; however he was placed back into the home after investigations were completed by social workers.
When this situation happened, Erie County Social Workers were handling up to 60 cases a piece. There is no way that children can be kept safe when there are this many cases assigned to one social worker. It is impossible. I am disgusted that a government official thinks that of all places to cut money, this would be one of the options on the table.
Right now, Erie County Social Workers only have a caseload of 11 cases per social worker. This caseload is manageable… but anything more than this is ridiculous.
The cuts that Strickland is proposing will cut the number of social workers from 27 to 15. This will essentially double each of their caseloads. On top of that funds will be cut from their operating budget, making it even more difficult for them to do their jobs.
Ms. Englehart, who is the president of Public Children Services Association of Ohio, has teamed up with four other groups to try and gain attention from legislators like Representative Dennis Murray, democrat of Sandusky.
It is proven that when there is recession with tough economic times that the number of abuse cases goes up. This is due a lot because of stress and frustration experienced by caregivers and parents, actually having nothing to do with the child or children abused.
Now would be a terrible time for these budget cuts to take place.
It looks like Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach has some letter writing to do in assisting to grab the attention of the lawmakers and legislative officials. Now is the time to act…
Please everyone leave me a comment about this article, I want to know what others think about this issue at hand. Thank you! God Bless, Miranda Rhuda, Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Executive Assistant.
Updates on Ministry Progress
New Property.
We are happy to report that we have a placed a binder on a small property in the Southeast United States. Upon completion of due diligence and acceptance this property will serve a three fold purpose. As a residence and a base from which to work this ministry.
School of Life and Bible Studies
As a point from which to begin our newest School of Life and Bible Studies available immediately by correspondence.
As a base from which to organize and begin our newest ministry in Victim's Protection and Relocation Services with respect to domestic violence including stalking.
Victim's Protection and Relocation Services.
We are strongly entertaining and praying about the idea to become involved in Victim's Protection and Relocation Services with respect to domestic violence. We are not entering this arena without great thought and counsel. As well as a lot of prayer.
We recently purchased a used vehicle for this ministry and are praying for another good used vehicle to serve to as transportation for domestic violence and stalking victims to and from court appearances, medical appointments, and even employment interviews. We feel that providing a presence for children and adults at hearings, counseling, depositions, and even trials will offer strength and comfort in numbers.
The Child Support Recovery ministry is slowly gaining momentum as requests for applications are beginning to come from other states. Miranda just opened an abuse case and already we are recieving prayer support from several recognized individuals and entities across the country.
Remember, you do not need an attorney to recover your child support or to serve a warrant for Contempt of Order. Most cases, we are legally able to file your orders for you. If you cannot afford filing fees there are programs available through pro se and forma pauperis but you must act timely over your opponent to receive the advantage of these mechanisms.
The Thing About Abuse, one of our newest books, is available. While sitting in a vocation workshop yesterday the instructor had been reading the book during breaks. Afterwards she expressed to me in tears how much that little reading had done for her. She expressed that she liked the way we took Scripture and applied them to every day life.
Why are we excited? Because every child support case, abuse case, legal matter, and challenge is an opportunity to witness God at work. Please join with this ministry and help us help others.
We are happy to report that we have a placed a binder on a small property in the Southeast United States. Upon completion of due diligence and acceptance this property will serve a three fold purpose. As a residence and a base from which to work this ministry.
School of Life and Bible Studies
As a point from which to begin our newest School of Life and Bible Studies available immediately by correspondence.
As a base from which to organize and begin our newest ministry in Victim's Protection and Relocation Services with respect to domestic violence including stalking.
Victim's Protection and Relocation Services.
We are strongly entertaining and praying about the idea to become involved in Victim's Protection and Relocation Services with respect to domestic violence. We are not entering this arena without great thought and counsel. As well as a lot of prayer.
We recently purchased a used vehicle for this ministry and are praying for another good used vehicle to serve to as transportation for domestic violence and stalking victims to and from court appearances, medical appointments, and even employment interviews. We feel that providing a presence for children and adults at hearings, counseling, depositions, and even trials will offer strength and comfort in numbers.
The Child Support Recovery ministry is slowly gaining momentum as requests for applications are beginning to come from other states. Miranda just opened an abuse case and already we are recieving prayer support from several recognized individuals and entities across the country.
Remember, you do not need an attorney to recover your child support or to serve a warrant for Contempt of Order. Most cases, we are legally able to file your orders for you. If you cannot afford filing fees there are programs available through pro se and forma pauperis but you must act timely over your opponent to receive the advantage of these mechanisms.
The Thing About Abuse, one of our newest books, is available. While sitting in a vocation workshop yesterday the instructor had been reading the book during breaks. Afterwards she expressed to me in tears how much that little reading had done for her. She expressed that she liked the way we took Scripture and applied them to every day life.
Why are we excited? Because every child support case, abuse case, legal matter, and challenge is an opportunity to witness God at work. Please join with this ministry and help us help others.
Negotiating Child Support
Hi there. Pastor Jim here with Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach. I have a message for some of those who have chosen not to pay support and abandon their family.
Sooo...you've decided that you no longer want the responsibility of supporting the children of your loins? Too much of a good thing, huh? You've decided to run away from responsibility. So, if you think that the two of you could not make it a go with both working just how in the hell do you think that she is going to make it on her own with just one job and three kids to support? You are one lazy, sorry, S.O.B. You think she can go to mamas with the kids and mama can feed and clothe, provide schooling and medical care for the family on a small pension or disability check. You don't care do you? She will cry all night because the car is broken down, the baby has strep and can't go to the doctor, there is no milk and diapers. But you don't care because you are jacked up on crack, tramping with another loser who ran from God and a good home.
I wouldn't give you two rusty cents for your health, mentality, or your wealth for this decision you've made to make your family suffer like this.
Oh, forget the crap and crocadile tears and those lousy excuses how she doesn't appreciate you, how you have worked so hard, and some one else will appreciate you more. The Executive Administrative Assistant for Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach is working four jobs between her and her husband to make ends meet and catch up from lay-offs so don't give me that crap that you can't find a job.
You are looking for an excuse and you found it now.
You are at a crossroads and I'll give you three choices.
Acknowledge that you are a sorry good-for-nothing-excuse-of-a-man and that you want to change who you are. Ask God for help to be a man and go look for work. Ask for help in your circumstances and get your family in church.
Who cares if your mama never breast fed you or your daddy never hugged you , no one forced you to make babies.
Admit that down deep inside you there is an individual who really wants to be the man God created you to be, to be fruitful, and productive in this life and not just making babies. You've thought with what's in your pants and now it's time to think with what's between your ears.
Or, you can pay an attorney a lot of money and get a divorce and she'll be the worst pain in your side for evermore because she will get everything you make for the rest of your life.
You can stand before a judge and sniffle because you could not make a go of it and claim irreconcilable differences and an irretrievable marriage. Man you sure were hot on that blond bomber at the bar the other night weren't you? It wasn't so irretrievable then was it? Your problem? You lust for something strange. Is that home-wrecker at the bar going to nurse your fevers and put up with your stinking feet in bed, though? No. Will she hold a cold rag to your face when you are puking out your guts from the virus? Are you going to feel comfortable with farting in front of her? No.
Or, you can run like a dog in heat away from your family, your high school sweet heart, the babies and the bills, responsibility of a job, and I can come after you.
Uh huh. That's right. Because she will call me from any where in this blessed country.and God and I will stay so close on your heels you will beg to come home. Can I do this? You bet your sweet patooty. And I will find you if it takes me forever and even then I'll serve you with a summons at St. Peter's gates.
She will have the money to get you because I will be sure she has the services she needs on count of those babies. You see, it's all about the kids. Not you nor her but the kids, bad boy.
I will catch you and you and I will have an alter call. I will help you remain broke, penniless, low-life, lonely, crappy, you will drive a rattle trap, and you will eat spam because I will find you and collect an offering. While you are boasting how no one will make you do what you don't want to, I will make you jump from phone to phone, residence to residence, state to state, job to job, under-the-table payoffs, because I will claim your paychecks, tax refunds, driver licenses, passports, and you will keep a very tired eye out all the time wondering when is it going to happen.
You can hide behind that Sugar Mama who claims to love you, claims to keep you erectile functional, and allow her to pretend that she likes it, but after my Sunday School lesson with her she will turn on you and leave you spit less, gutted, and empty and I will make her turn on you. You think you have hidden all the assets but I have ways of knowing where you are, where those little babies are, and how to get in touch with your sweet spots and baby, there is no heaven later when you play hell on earth.
And for every bruise you leave behind that's a bruise you will eventually account for.
Big talk from a little man? Nope. That's facts from God, The Word, and Pastor Jim. Let's you and me get together and help you support those kids now...or later.
Will the ushers come forward? Pass the offering plate, please.
This is Pastor Jim. It's time for Life Lessons.
Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc.
Child Support Recovery
Sooo...you've decided that you no longer want the responsibility of supporting the children of your loins? Too much of a good thing, huh? You've decided to run away from responsibility. So, if you think that the two of you could not make it a go with both working just how in the hell do you think that she is going to make it on her own with just one job and three kids to support? You are one lazy, sorry, S.O.B. You think she can go to mamas with the kids and mama can feed and clothe, provide schooling and medical care for the family on a small pension or disability check. You don't care do you? She will cry all night because the car is broken down, the baby has strep and can't go to the doctor, there is no milk and diapers. But you don't care because you are jacked up on crack, tramping with another loser who ran from God and a good home.
I wouldn't give you two rusty cents for your health, mentality, or your wealth for this decision you've made to make your family suffer like this.
Oh, forget the crap and crocadile tears and those lousy excuses how she doesn't appreciate you, how you have worked so hard, and some one else will appreciate you more. The Executive Administrative Assistant for Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach is working four jobs between her and her husband to make ends meet and catch up from lay-offs so don't give me that crap that you can't find a job.
You are looking for an excuse and you found it now.
You are at a crossroads and I'll give you three choices.
Acknowledge that you are a sorry good-for-nothing-excuse-of-a-man and that you want to change who you are. Ask God for help to be a man and go look for work. Ask for help in your circumstances and get your family in church.
Who cares if your mama never breast fed you or your daddy never hugged you , no one forced you to make babies.
Admit that down deep inside you there is an individual who really wants to be the man God created you to be, to be fruitful, and productive in this life and not just making babies. You've thought with what's in your pants and now it's time to think with what's between your ears.
Or, you can pay an attorney a lot of money and get a divorce and she'll be the worst pain in your side for evermore because she will get everything you make for the rest of your life.
You can stand before a judge and sniffle because you could not make a go of it and claim irreconcilable differences and an irretrievable marriage. Man you sure were hot on that blond bomber at the bar the other night weren't you? It wasn't so irretrievable then was it? Your problem? You lust for something strange. Is that home-wrecker at the bar going to nurse your fevers and put up with your stinking feet in bed, though? No. Will she hold a cold rag to your face when you are puking out your guts from the virus? Are you going to feel comfortable with farting in front of her? No.
Or, you can run like a dog in heat away from your family, your high school sweet heart, the babies and the bills, responsibility of a job, and I can come after you.
Uh huh. That's right. Because she will call me from any where in this blessed country.and God and I will stay so close on your heels you will beg to come home. Can I do this? You bet your sweet patooty. And I will find you if it takes me forever and even then I'll serve you with a summons at St. Peter's gates.
She will have the money to get you because I will be sure she has the services she needs on count of those babies. You see, it's all about the kids. Not you nor her but the kids, bad boy.
I will catch you and you and I will have an alter call. I will help you remain broke, penniless, low-life, lonely, crappy, you will drive a rattle trap, and you will eat spam because I will find you and collect an offering. While you are boasting how no one will make you do what you don't want to, I will make you jump from phone to phone, residence to residence, state to state, job to job, under-the-table payoffs, because I will claim your paychecks, tax refunds, driver licenses, passports, and you will keep a very tired eye out all the time wondering when is it going to happen.
You can hide behind that Sugar Mama who claims to love you, claims to keep you erectile functional, and allow her to pretend that she likes it, but after my Sunday School lesson with her she will turn on you and leave you spit less, gutted, and empty and I will make her turn on you. You think you have hidden all the assets but I have ways of knowing where you are, where those little babies are, and how to get in touch with your sweet spots and baby, there is no heaven later when you play hell on earth.
And for every bruise you leave behind that's a bruise you will eventually account for.
Big talk from a little man? Nope. That's facts from God, The Word, and Pastor Jim. Let's you and me get together and help you support those kids now...or later.
Will the ushers come forward? Pass the offering plate, please.
This is Pastor Jim. It's time for Life Lessons.
Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc.
Child Support Recovery
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Help Alexis and DV Victims Fight for GPS on Offenders
Below we have proof that the CPEDV, The California Partnership to End Domestic Violence is opposing the use of GPS with DV. They say GPS is of no value it is a, “quick fix” like a pipe dream or something when in fact it is proven 100% effective.
If you are reading this email it is because you or someone you love or know is or has been a victim of domestic violence.
GPS is not a end all cure all but it is absolutely better than what victims of domestic violence in CA have now which is absolutely nothing.
There is nothing worse than living in fear, I think this is worse than taking the beatings. GPS is a tool that would actually aid victims to prevent further acts of violence and help give women and children a fighting chance to protect themselves.
Please join with me in protest of the CPEDV opposition of the use of GPS technology with domestic violence.
There are millions of victims in the state of CA and they all have family and friends in comparison to the 200 person CPEDV organization. By the pure numbers we should be able to raise more than 200 signatures in support of the use of GPS with DV.
It is not easy for victims to be brave. Most domestic violence victims are so beaten down that they have no hope, however if they see your posts and read that other victims, their family members and their friends are speaking out it is my hope that they will be brave and post also a letter of support for the use of GPS with DV.
United together we can make a difference for victims of domestic violence.
Thank you
Alexis A. Moore
Below is the proof that comes from the judge...
April 14, 2009
The Honorable Alberto Torrico
State Capitol
Room 319
Sacramento, CA 95814
Re: AB 1081 (Torrico) – Oppose Via Facsimile 916.319.2120
Dear Assemblymember Torrico:
The California Partnership to End Domestic Violence (CPEDV) regrets to inform you that after carefully reviewing AB 1081, we have decided to take a formal position to OPPOSE the bill. This measure would require court-ordered electronic monitoring of convicted domestic violence parolees and probationers, as well as violators of protective orders. While we appreciate your commitment to protecting the safety of domestic violence victims, we feel that this bill carries too many unintended consequences to move forward in its current form.
CPEDV is a statewide, membership-based coalition of 200 domestic violence service providers, advocates and individuals, who support innovative solutions to ensure safety and justice for victims and survivors of domestic violence and their children. Over the course of our 25-year history, we have worked with lawmakers and our allied partners to enact over 100 statutes.
AB 1081 is part of a nationwide effort to implement GPS monitoring for domestic violence offenders. While CPEDV has long advocated justice for victims and accountability for offenders, we have major concerns with this legislation, which are listed below.
• GPS monitoring should not be viewed as a panacea or “quick fix” for threats of future violence. GPS monitoring is only effective as part of a larger coordinated system. If not enough trained officers respond quickly when an offender approaches a victim, and if courts lack resources to hold offenders accountable, the monitoring devices will not be effective.
• GPS can complicate an already delicate dynamic in communities where relations between law enforcement and advocates are not strong. In order for a GPS system to be effective, it would be necessary for a community-based advocate to explain to victims how the offender tracking system works, and its benefits and risks.
• There could be unintended costs to survivors resulting from the bill’s stipulation that offenders pay for their tracking devices when possible. If offenders are required to pay for the technology it could complicate child support, rent or mortgage payments, etc., which can adversely affect the offenders’ victims and children.
• Active monitoring of perpetrators is only effective if an administrator continually monitors the location of offenders, 24/7. Additionally, perpetual monitoring would require the victim, who has not committed a crime, to be tracked 24 hours a day. This raises serious safety and privacy risks. It also creates a risk that the offender or offender’s attorney may try to obtain the victim’s location records in an effort to intimidate or harass the victim. For safety, a monitoring agency’s policies should restrict access to a victim’s location to the fewest staff possible, and routinely purge victim location records. Such best practices are not currently address in the bill. Additionally, any victim who is considering carrying a GPS device must be fully informed of all risks and benefits, provide consent before being tracked, and must be allowed to withdraw that consent at any time.
• Mandating a statewide “one size fits all” approach instead of rolling out grant-funded pilot projects in a few counties is problematic. GPS tracking may not be the most effective way to combat violence in all communities.
• The bill suggests that a “risk assessment” will be made to determine the likelihood of a perpetrator to reoffend. However the current bill language does not address the substance of these assessments, or important questions regarding their development and administration. Who does the assessment? If probation/parole assesses at a bail hearing and the hearing takes place in the middle of the night, what happens when certain counties don’t have 24-hour staff on hand to handle it? Will advocates and mental health professionals be involved in the development of this assessment? Is there certainty that victims who violate protective orders or are on parole/probation will not be fitted with a GPS device?
• It is critical to not divert existing resources, energy and staff time away from other vital community efforts like domestic violence prevention. GPS monitoring could work well when the entire community is ready for it, but it could complicate and/or derail other domestic violence efforts if introduced prematurely.
• While there are some victims who would be more likely to seek help from law enforcement as a result of this bill, patterns of domestic violence in some communities suggest that using GPS to monitor offenders will silence many others. This effect is most likely to impact victims of color, who might hesitate to invite such an invasive law enforcement intervention into their families and communities.
• GPS tracking should not be used as an excuse to release inmates in overcrowded prisons when budgets are strained. However on the surface it appears to be a good way to reduce jail and prison costs, and could easily be leveraged to this end.
CPEDV has been communicating with your office and we are committed to working with you to sensitively design legislation that incorporates GPS monitoring with appropriate safeguards. We strongly feel that this needs to happen before legislation of this scope is allowed to move forward. We recommend that you amend this measure to create a taskforce to consider the feasibility of a GPS pilot project in a few counties, to ensure that GPS monitoring is not endangering victims or being used inappropriately. In addition, the task force can be charged with developing protocols and procedures for using risk assessments (which data have shown to be unreliable), ensuring victim safety, educating domestic violence victims and service providers about this policy and training law enforcement and judges. Furthermore, the task force can be responsible for researching GPS programs in other states and talking to advocates, law enforcement and state coalitions involved to find out the pros, cons and best practices.
As you move forward with your bill CPEDV encourages you to consider all of the following recommendations:
• Develop a taskforce that would be charged with researching and developing the feasibility of a GPS pilot project in a few counties with a report to the legislature outlining best practices and costs associated with a plan.
• Victims should be included in the decision to use a GPS system. Allowing victims to participate will empower them to make the best choice for their personal safety, without fear that their abusers will influence their ability to seek help.
• Ensure that a risk assessment is administered by trained mental health professionals, or that law enforcement officials make the determination with the help of such professionals in coordination with domestic violence advocates, and with the judge’s ultimate discretion.
• Require that GPS technology only can be used to monitor perpetrators, and stipulate that it be used only as a tool to convict them when they violate the terms of a restraining order, not if they commit other crimes.
Thank you for your desire to protect survivors of domestic violence. As AB 1081 moves forward we hope that you will consider all our concerns and take appropriate amendments. We look forward to continued collaboration to ensure that unintended consequences are avoided.
Sincerely,
Kendra Harris
Public Policy Manager
If you are reading this email it is because you or someone you love or know is or has been a victim of domestic violence.
GPS is not a end all cure all but it is absolutely better than what victims of domestic violence in CA have now which is absolutely nothing.
There is nothing worse than living in fear, I think this is worse than taking the beatings. GPS is a tool that would actually aid victims to prevent further acts of violence and help give women and children a fighting chance to protect themselves.
Please join with me in protest of the CPEDV opposition of the use of GPS technology with domestic violence.
There are millions of victims in the state of CA and they all have family and friends in comparison to the 200 person CPEDV organization. By the pure numbers we should be able to raise more than 200 signatures in support of the use of GPS with DV.
It is not easy for victims to be brave. Most domestic violence victims are so beaten down that they have no hope, however if they see your posts and read that other victims, their family members and their friends are speaking out it is my hope that they will be brave and post also a letter of support for the use of GPS with DV.
United together we can make a difference for victims of domestic violence.
Thank you
Alexis A. Moore
Below is the proof that comes from the judge...
April 14, 2009
The Honorable Alberto Torrico
State Capitol
Room 319
Sacramento, CA 95814
Re: AB 1081 (Torrico) – Oppose Via Facsimile 916.319.2120
Dear Assemblymember Torrico:
The California Partnership to End Domestic Violence (CPEDV) regrets to inform you that after carefully reviewing AB 1081, we have decided to take a formal position to OPPOSE the bill. This measure would require court-ordered electronic monitoring of convicted domestic violence parolees and probationers, as well as violators of protective orders. While we appreciate your commitment to protecting the safety of domestic violence victims, we feel that this bill carries too many unintended consequences to move forward in its current form.
CPEDV is a statewide, membership-based coalition of 200 domestic violence service providers, advocates and individuals, who support innovative solutions to ensure safety and justice for victims and survivors of domestic violence and their children. Over the course of our 25-year history, we have worked with lawmakers and our allied partners to enact over 100 statutes.
AB 1081 is part of a nationwide effort to implement GPS monitoring for domestic violence offenders. While CPEDV has long advocated justice for victims and accountability for offenders, we have major concerns with this legislation, which are listed below.
• GPS monitoring should not be viewed as a panacea or “quick fix” for threats of future violence. GPS monitoring is only effective as part of a larger coordinated system. If not enough trained officers respond quickly when an offender approaches a victim, and if courts lack resources to hold offenders accountable, the monitoring devices will not be effective.
• GPS can complicate an already delicate dynamic in communities where relations between law enforcement and advocates are not strong. In order for a GPS system to be effective, it would be necessary for a community-based advocate to explain to victims how the offender tracking system works, and its benefits and risks.
• There could be unintended costs to survivors resulting from the bill’s stipulation that offenders pay for their tracking devices when possible. If offenders are required to pay for the technology it could complicate child support, rent or mortgage payments, etc., which can adversely affect the offenders’ victims and children.
• Active monitoring of perpetrators is only effective if an administrator continually monitors the location of offenders, 24/7. Additionally, perpetual monitoring would require the victim, who has not committed a crime, to be tracked 24 hours a day. This raises serious safety and privacy risks. It also creates a risk that the offender or offender’s attorney may try to obtain the victim’s location records in an effort to intimidate or harass the victim. For safety, a monitoring agency’s policies should restrict access to a victim’s location to the fewest staff possible, and routinely purge victim location records. Such best practices are not currently address in the bill. Additionally, any victim who is considering carrying a GPS device must be fully informed of all risks and benefits, provide consent before being tracked, and must be allowed to withdraw that consent at any time.
• Mandating a statewide “one size fits all” approach instead of rolling out grant-funded pilot projects in a few counties is problematic. GPS tracking may not be the most effective way to combat violence in all communities.
• The bill suggests that a “risk assessment” will be made to determine the likelihood of a perpetrator to reoffend. However the current bill language does not address the substance of these assessments, or important questions regarding their development and administration. Who does the assessment? If probation/parole assesses at a bail hearing and the hearing takes place in the middle of the night, what happens when certain counties don’t have 24-hour staff on hand to handle it? Will advocates and mental health professionals be involved in the development of this assessment? Is there certainty that victims who violate protective orders or are on parole/probation will not be fitted with a GPS device?
• It is critical to not divert existing resources, energy and staff time away from other vital community efforts like domestic violence prevention. GPS monitoring could work well when the entire community is ready for it, but it could complicate and/or derail other domestic violence efforts if introduced prematurely.
• While there are some victims who would be more likely to seek help from law enforcement as a result of this bill, patterns of domestic violence in some communities suggest that using GPS to monitor offenders will silence many others. This effect is most likely to impact victims of color, who might hesitate to invite such an invasive law enforcement intervention into their families and communities.
• GPS tracking should not be used as an excuse to release inmates in overcrowded prisons when budgets are strained. However on the surface it appears to be a good way to reduce jail and prison costs, and could easily be leveraged to this end.
CPEDV has been communicating with your office and we are committed to working with you to sensitively design legislation that incorporates GPS monitoring with appropriate safeguards. We strongly feel that this needs to happen before legislation of this scope is allowed to move forward. We recommend that you amend this measure to create a taskforce to consider the feasibility of a GPS pilot project in a few counties, to ensure that GPS monitoring is not endangering victims or being used inappropriately. In addition, the task force can be charged with developing protocols and procedures for using risk assessments (which data have shown to be unreliable), ensuring victim safety, educating domestic violence victims and service providers about this policy and training law enforcement and judges. Furthermore, the task force can be responsible for researching GPS programs in other states and talking to advocates, law enforcement and state coalitions involved to find out the pros, cons and best practices.
As you move forward with your bill CPEDV encourages you to consider all of the following recommendations:
• Develop a taskforce that would be charged with researching and developing the feasibility of a GPS pilot project in a few counties with a report to the legislature outlining best practices and costs associated with a plan.
• Victims should be included in the decision to use a GPS system. Allowing victims to participate will empower them to make the best choice for their personal safety, without fear that their abusers will influence their ability to seek help.
• Ensure that a risk assessment is administered by trained mental health professionals, or that law enforcement officials make the determination with the help of such professionals in coordination with domestic violence advocates, and with the judge’s ultimate discretion.
• Require that GPS technology only can be used to monitor perpetrators, and stipulate that it be used only as a tool to convict them when they violate the terms of a restraining order, not if they commit other crimes.
Thank you for your desire to protect survivors of domestic violence. As AB 1081 moves forward we hope that you will consider all our concerns and take appropriate amendments. We look forward to continued collaboration to ensure that unintended consequences are avoided.
Sincerely,
Kendra Harris
Public Policy Manager
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