Living Without Child Support. Pamela Brasher. Horrifying Details.

Living Without Child Support
By Pamela Brasher
Editor's Note: Pamela S. Brasher is a walking testimony that the broken government child support enforcement system needs repairs. Although, many states frown unfavorably on the rising tide of private child support enforcement agencies Pamela's story is testament to the need for, and reasons, private enforcement agencies, like private security agencies, are knocking passionately on doors of government agencies with hand fulls of affidavits from hungry children and desperate parents to hand over cases that have grown cold and lifeless. This testimony will bring tears to your eyes and hopefully passion to your heart to help us fight for her.
Jim Harnage, Outreach Pastor and Minister, Owner, Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc. Child Support Recovery.

> There are over twelve million single mother households in the United
> States today. Each of these single mothers has a unique, yet similar story
> to tell. I am one of those twelve million single mothers and I would like
> to share my story with you.
>
> My name is Pam Brasher. I am forty-three years old and the single mother
> of three children ranging from ages eleven to seventeen years. I live in
> Southside, Alabama and I am employed by the City of Southside where I am
> the secretary to the Mayor.
>
> I am writing to you today because I believe you are sympathetic to the
> difficulties women face in a society which seems to care little for the
> welfare of single women and their children.
>
> I am one among thousands who have grown weary of defending my rights in
> the court systems and winning my cases only to receive nothing in return.
> I deserve justice not only for myself, but for my children as well.
>
> I am one of many who are unheard of…but highly noticeable. One of many
> whose hair is never in place, who is sleep deprived, who is running on an
> empty tank financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I am one of
> many who face the day with a look of contemplative concern that comes from
> too little sleep, limited food in the cupboard, and bill juggling since
> last year's tax return. Hercules himself would tremble at the range of
> responsibilities women like me face each day.
>
> No one is capable understanding or appreciating the method to the madness
> in my life unless they to are a single parent attempting to care for
> themselves as well as their children with little or no help from the other
> parent. The work load is overwhelming. Earning a living, preparing meals,
> caring for children, helping with homework, cleaning house, paying bills,
> repairing the car, handling insurance, and doing the banking, income tax,
> marketing, the list goes on and on. Only a single parent can see clearly
> how the house can sustain itself and stand against all the odds and
> restraints that are present in the social and legal system. I crawl out of
> bed each day because I have no other choice but to try and survive. I
> survive anyway that I can. I do it twenty-four hours a day, seven days a
> week. I am the famous juggler of time, activity, finances, and
> responsibility; I have defied the laws of gravity, physics, and economics.
>
> In October of 2004 I joined the ranks of many other women in society
> today. I became a single mother of three exceptionally bright children. I
> was awarded full custody, $1200.00 a month in child support ($92.31 each
> week, per child) and $300.00 in alimony. My ex-husband was ordered to pay
> all medical expenses (which has been paid by me since 2006), and the
> monthly mortgage on our home until our youngest son (who was six at the
> time) graduated from high school. He met and married a woman with two
> children in May of 2006. He purchased a nice home with a pool, on a golf
> course, and in the country club. He bought new furniture and appliances
> for every room. He had the best of everything. As the next two years
> passed, my ex-husband stopped paying medical and orthodontic payments. His
> life insurance policy, which he was ordered to be kept current by the
> courts, was canceled. He refused to help with school expenses and he
> became increasingly angry and abusive on the weekends he had with the
> children. During this time and after court ordered counseling, he was
> stripped of any visitation rights unless supervised. This was due to
> physical, mental, and emotional abuse.
>
> In January of 2007 I received a letter stating the mortgage on the home my
> children and I had lived in for seventeen years had not been paid in over
> four months and foreclosure proceedings had begun. In February 2007 the
> judge ordered my ex-husband to bring the mortgage up to date or be
> incarcerated. He made no attempt to make the mortgage payment on the home
> his children lived in, however, the mortgage payment of $1400.00 on the
> home his wife and two stepchildren lived in remained current.
>
> In June of 2007 my children and I were notified that we had ten days to
> vacate the home. We were emotionally and mentally devastated. We had no
> idea where we would go or what we would do. I knew that on my weekly
> salary it would not be possible to pay rent, much less utilities. Not to
> mention, I was still making a loan payment each month for siding on a home
> I was forced to leave. I don’t believe I have ever felt so alone and
> afraid. A relative offered to let us stay in his home until we could get
> back on our feet. I honestly don’t know where we would have gone or what
> might have happened to us if he had not been there.
>
> For four months my children and I lived out of two rooms in someone
else’s
> home. My son and I shared one room and slept on a mattress in the floor.
> My daughters shared the other room. Although I was thankful for the roof
> over our heads and the compassion my cousin had shown, the humiliating
> circumstances of being homeless and unable to provide a home for my
> children was almost more than I could bear.
>
> My former husband received a generous salary and benefits from a large
> corporation. The company provided him with a new vehicle, paid for his
> auto insurance, fuel, cell phone, and internet access. He was capable of
> meeting his responsibilities as well as any material needs our children
> may have had. However, he chose to provide a more than comfortable life
> for himself, his wife, and his two step-children, leaving his own children
> homeless.
>
> As for my obligations, I have always demonstrated the utmost in
> responsibility by ensuring the mental, physical, emotional, nutritional,
> and educational needs of my children were met on a daily basis. My
> children have and always will be my top priority.
>
> My ex-husband was incarcerated for six days for failure to bring the
> payments current. He was released after his wife (who works in
> administration for a local hospital) had a doctor send a letter stating he
> had an anxiety disorder and his condition required his immediate release.
> This came as quite a shock to me, considering I had been married to him
> for fifteen years and he was mentally and physically the picture of
> health. In the meantime, his income increased $1200.00 each month since he
> no longer paid the mortgage on the home his children had lived in all of
> their lives. His lifestyle did not change, but was better than ever. The
> legal system released him from jail. To this date he has not suffered any
> consequences for his actions. He went on with his life and his income
> increased while the children and I were without a roof over our heads and
> he still wasn’t providing court ordered medical payments.
>
> In October of 2007, after four months of being homeless, I was able to
> purchase a new home for myself and my children. It was considerably
> smaller than our old home and we were forced to sell most of our furniture
> and many family treasures, but we were determined to find the silver
> lining in our shattered lives. With only $94.00 remaining after the weekly
> mortgage and insurance payment of $230.00, our income was budgeted to the
> penny and dependent on the child support payments. We learned to do
> without many things, but we realized we still had what was
important…each
> other. The bond between my children and I is remarkable and unbreakable.
> We were determined we were going to survive. My oldest daughter, Anna,
> began working the summer of her freshmen year in high school. She
> continues to work to help support not only herself, but her brother and
> sister as well (all while maintaining a 4.3 grade point average). Anna is
> an amazing young woman. Her childhood has been stolen from her because her
> father refuses to meet his obligations as a parent.
>
> In February 2008, with bills due and cupboards bare, I received the news
> Mr. Brasher had willingly resigned from his well-paying job of eight years
> because it was too stressful and he was depressed. He had threatened to
> quit many times. Once again, the walls were closing down around me.
> Knowing that I would now be the sole person responsible for the well-being
> of my children, I swallowed my pride and made the humiliating walk through
> the doors of the Department of Human Resources in search of some temporary
> assistance, however, I quickly learned that because I am employed and
> considered to be a middle class citizen I was disqualified from receiving
> any financial aid from the government.
>
> For the past fourteen months I have been in and out of court (more times
> than I care to count) fighting for my children. During this time I
> received child support only when Mr. Brasher was threatened with
> incarceration. From August through November I did not receive any child
> support payments what-so-ever.
>
> In December 2008 I was awarded a judgment of $7,500.00 for back child
> support and $4,238.75 for failure to provide previous provisions of the
> Court regarding my oldest child’s vehicle and insurance. The issues
> regarding current child support obligations, past due medical receipts,
> and post minority support were addressed in court but were not mentioned
> in the ruling. However, the judge ordered Mr. Brasher to pay $200.00 each
> week in child support arrearages.
>
> Last week I received a final ruling in my case. I was awarded a judgment
> of $9,710.35 for child support arrearages and $3,723.24 for past due
> medical bills. Mr. Brasher’s child support obligations were reduced to
> $569.00 each month (or $43.77 each week per child). His court ordered
> child support arrearage payments were reduced from $200.00 each week to
> $100.00 each month. Again, the post minority support was not mentioned in
> the ruling even though it was addressed a second time in court. I honestly
> thought there must have been a terrible mistake. It will take him over
> eight years to pay back the past due child support alone, no interest
> factored in and not including the additional judgments I was previously
> awarded. It seems my fate as well as my children’s has been sealed.
>
> My circumstances are neither special nor rare. In fact, my story is
> entirely too common. I am a single parent who is owed child support; one
> of many who has worked with an attorney and the court system only to have
> my case continued and the court orders ignored. I have stood by and
> watched the courts give my children’s father a “slap on the wrist”.
I have
> tried to help myself, pursued my case with the state agency, and sought
> temporary assistance only to be denied or rejected. I am one of many who
> have run out of options and who are consumed with the feeling of despair
> and defeat.
>
> The prospects for the increasing number of children living with mothers
> who can not provide them with the basic necessities won't brighten.
> Although continued improvements in the collection rate are vital,
> providing support to single parents and their children means going beyond
> simply improving collection.
>
> The legal system falls short of supporting single parents when it comes to
> enforcing court orders for dead beat dads. Months go by before the courts
> will hear a case. They are often continued repeatedly and the single
> mother and her children are forced into bankruptcy, losing their homes,
> cars, and their dignity. The time frame for hearing court cases and
> enforcing court rulings is detrimental to single mothers whose daily
> survival depends on receiving their child support payments on time and
> without delay. It does not matter how many court battles we win or what we
> are awarded if the system cannot enforce the court order. We are left with
> nothing but a piece of paper stating we are victorious.
>
> I have been blessed with three amazing and exceptional children. They
> excel academically and are in the top of their class. Over the years, they
> have observed me struggling to survive financially and emotionally. At a
> very young age, they have learned the meaning of personal sacrifice. They
> deserve justice, a sense of security, and peace of mind in their lives.
>
> I have always strived to do the best for my family. I consider myself to
> be a strong woman; tough, and determined; however, due to circumstances
> beyond my control, I have reached the end of my rope. I am not sure how I
> can improve the situation I am in. I am not sure if I can break the
> barricades that are blocking me from providing the basic necessities and a
> home for my children. The current laws and programs do not provide the
> support single parents need to recover from the struggles they face.
>
> Again, I am a single parent, one of many who are alone; one of many who
> has visions of a better life for their children. It is my hope that you
> will help to raise awareness of the plight of single women in society
> today; their struggles and their fears; their courage and their strength.
> It is only when we come together that our voices can be heard; it is only
> then that we can fight for our rights and focus on regaining the
> confidence and dignity which has been cruelly stolen from us.
>
> On behalf of the millions of single parents across the United States, I
> would like to know my voice is being heard. An answer must be found. The
> children we are attempting to raise are the future of this country, but we
> cannot do it alone. Help me in my efforts to provide a better road to
> their future. Help me move a mountain.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> Pamela S. Brasher

Quick Questions and Candid Answers By Outreach Pastor and Child Support Recovery Agent Jim Harnage

Will I Go to Hell For Leaving My Husband?
No. You are already in hell if you remain in an abusive marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:39. The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives. If a husband no longer recognizes his spouse as to be so cruel to her and destroy her life then he and the marriage is already dead. The wife is free.

Will God be mad at me for protecting myself or children from abuse?
No. If you fear for your life and the lives of your children from a cruel and abusive marriage or relationship you have an obligation to self and the children to leave. If you must protect yourself to preserve life then you must do what you must. God forgives if there is anything to forgive. But why would God even need to forgive you for something that He expresses for you to do and that is to protect and preserve life?

Will I go to jail for protecting myself and my children? In this lop-sided and pro-criminal rights society today you probably will. However, it is important to a good attorney that you have documented evidence of police records, invasions, spousal rape reports, photos from the hospital of cuts and bruises, photos of destruction to the home and car and police reports to go with the photos, pastor's testimonies, neighbor's testimonies, affidavits, and lots of evidence of abuse and that your life was in danger. You must be street smart, quit the good-girl stuff, and learn how to survive or you will die with your children. The movie "The Burning Bed" with Farrah Fawcett teaches how not to dispose of an abusive husband.

What should I do about a cult-like pastor and church congregation who says I should not leave my husband?
Leave it. Report their actions toward you to the local sheriff, Department of Family and Children Services, District Attorney, State Attorney General, Governor, and contact Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach by phone or email.

I want to enforce my child support court order but I feel so sorry for my ex-spouse. He told me that his truck is broke down, that he has not worked in 6 years, and that the dog ate the fifty dollars that he planned to send to me. ( Come to think of it...we never had a dog.) What should I do?
Recieve a spanking, wake up, and get child support or purchase that ocean front property in Arizona.

Should I accept payments under the table?
Absolutely not. It does not count toward child support where there is a court order.

I am in arrears on my child support. I am about to lose my driver license. Can you help me?
Yes. We assist both sides.

I recieved a notice from the state child support division. It looks bad. Can you help me?
Yes, we can and will.

Can your agency assist me with personal defense items?
Yes.

Can Silent Ministries Recovery Outtreach, Inc. protect my child?
Yes. Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc can offer some resources in limited areas through Child Guard for protection or surveillance against predators.

May I recieve a cell phone if I cannot afford one to maintain contact with police?
Yes.


If I Am Laid Off And Unemployed Do I Still Have To Pay Child Support?
Yes. Being laid off does not excuse you from your court-ordered obligations. If it did then the agencies would be over run by dead beats who quit or get "laid-off" by cooperating employers so that they can go around the system. It is too easy to be paid under the table so ...nope, you are not off the hook.

Can Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach assist me with job searches and placement anywhere in the nation?
Yes.

What should I do if I am laid off and cannot pay child support?
First, contact the state agency who has your account. Explain the circumstances. Second, apply for unemployment and pay what your support agreement. Remember, you are not paying support just because the state says you must. You are paying support because you love your children and want them to have food, clothing, medicine, and other supplies. If you were married and had custody and were laif off you would still have to support your children.

My Ex Is Suing Me Again for Twice The Amount Of Child Suport. Can she do this?
Yes. She/he can file a hearing as many times as she wants to pay for them for an amended support agreement.

What Recourse Do I Have?
Get your papers together. Contact Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach,Inc. We will assist you with approaching the state on your behalf.
We are negotiators for both parents.
Show any changes that have occurred and how the increase will be detrimental to you. Also, call Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach Child Support Recovery, Inc. We know the new laws and will assist you with filing a counter hearing.
Remember, Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc Child Support Recovery is not biased and we do not discriminate.
Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc is here to assist both parents and we negotiate successfully 99% of claims with us.

Can Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach negotiate for me?
Yes. You must sign a Limited Power of Attorney applicable to your specific situation and we will go to bat for you.
Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach pastor and minister is also a registered investigator and recovery agent and has a 99% success rate. After speaking with Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach one will realize why we are tops at "no-holds-no-bones" negotiations.

My grandparents are being taken advantage of by an individual and need medication. Can you help us?
Yes. Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc. is a strong advocate of Elderly Care and Adult Protective Services.

How do I recieve these services?
Join Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach. Make us your family. Let us be your advocacy, negotiator, prayer partners, and extended family. Donations of any types keep this social service ministry fighting for children and families. Your contributions of any kind obtain you instant access to a wealth of social services as well as practical services on a scale to common to most. We go above and beyond to meet your needs.

Our staff consists of volunteers and specialists in family, social services, psychology, law, parenting, pastoral duties, administration, investigations, elder care, home inspectors, and much more.

I need, but cannot afford, a divorce so that I may collect child support. Can you help?
Yes. Complete our application.

Can Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc. locate my ex-spouse, or any other individual, even in another state?
Yes.

Can my organization or ministry become a part of Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc with exempt status?
Yes. There is a process and a fee.

Can Silent Ministries Recovery Outrteach, Inc help me locate an attorney?
Yes. Our dedicated team of researchers who will go to work for you to locate a pro bono attorney. it sometimes takes a few days however, we have located attorneys in as little as same day.

Are there options to an attorney?
Yes. Pro se is an option for an individual who wishes to prepare their own child support case, divorce, or other civil case. Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc. will assist with forms research and preparations if needed.

Note: Disclaimer.
Silent Ministries Recovery, Inc., Private Child Support Recovery, Silent Ministries Social Services, nor any of its owners or agents are connected with any government agency, nor are we an attorney.

Jim and Carolyn Harnage
Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc.
P.O.Box 1112
Lake Park, GA 31636
229-559-6832
229-300-4882
A 501(c)3 Organization
www.silentministries.org/
http://silentministriesrecoveryoutreach.blogspot.com/
http://walkwithchristgospelradio.com/silentministries/
http://domesticviolenceprotectionandrelocation.silentministries.org/
http://PrisonMinistry.net/smro
http://PrisonMinistry.net/root

FREE SAMPLE

Another added benefit of our family related blog is links to free samples. In this hard economic time any small free item helps!! I am looking for you!

I will only post free samples links on this blog if it is a simple request to the actual company. I will not post samples that required to purchase any trials or fill out silly three page surveys! Click and try dunkin donuts coffee free!

Leg Curl Fitness Machines Recalled by Paramount Fitness Due To Crushing Hazard

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation
with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following
consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately
unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Leg Curl Machines

Units: About 150

Manufacturer: Paramount Fitness Corp., of Los Angeles, Calif.

Hazard: A consumer's hand can become caught between the cylindrical counter
weight and the frame of the fitness machine, posing a crushing hazard that can
result in lacerations and finger amputation.

Incidents/Injuries: Paramount has received three reports of incidents, including
a finger amputation and two finger-crushing injuries.

Description: This recall involves the Paramount Fitness PL2100 leg curl machine.
The single station weight machine is designed to exercise the hamstring muscles.
Serial numbers involved in this recall include: PL21-9301-000 through
PL21-9510-099. The serial number is printed on the back of the weight stack
frame on the lower right. Model number PL2100 is printed on the exercise
procedure label on the front of the machine. The Paramount Fitness logo is
printed vertically on the frame.

Sold by: Paramount Fitness and fitness specialty dealers nationwide from January
1993 through October 1995 for about $2,400.

Manufactured in: United States

Remedy: Consumers should immediately stop using the fitness machines and contact
Paramount Fitness to receive a free repair kit.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact Paramount Fitness at (888)
825-8905 between 7:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. PT daily, or visit the firm's Web site
at www.paramountfitness.com

Your prayers are being answered

** SMRO UPDATE **
We closed on our first small property today for offices and residence for Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc. domestic violence, child support advocacy for both parents, youth and family ministry, and employment placement headquarters in Southeast Georgia. We recieved a positive response from individuals in this small town and others offered us a place of worship and seminars.

We have purchased a first vehicle and are praying about a van for transporting victims to and from court and to and from employment.

We have incorporated and applied for 510c3 church/charity status and recieved a letter from the IRS today that we are under review and should recieve notification in 60 days. Public records are available for anyone who requests in writing.Cost was $440.00.

However, a double blessing today from Walk With Christ Radio in Winter Haven, Florida and Brother Fred Metz and Family has blessed us with 501c3 status under their charter till we recieve our exemption. And!!! Brother Metz has given us a link in Walk With Christ Christian Radio, Winter Haven, Florida.

The link is...
http://walkwithchristgospelradio.com/silentministries
Some material is older but we are working hard to bring you more of our testimonies called "Through Our Greatest Storms."

Fred Metz and his son have done a great job reproducing these tapes onto MP3. If you have a praise report we would love to share it with thousands of listeners who need your testimony of faith. Send photos if you wish and we will add them to the Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc. family.

Please continue to pray for us. We are all working for you and we need your prayers and blessing.
We love you all;
Jim and Carolyn

Join With Us in Prayer

Please join with us in prayer for kids and families around the world. Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc has applied for 501c3 status in order to better equip ourselves for carrying this free ministry as far as we can go.

Free cell phones, free attorney search, free food and clothing where reasonably available, free child support assistance, advocacy, and negotiations for both parents. We work for both mother and father and we do not show partiality. Inmate pen pal ministry, free Bible study lessons with certificate of completion, free printed materials, free inspirational books, free legal forms, and so much more is offered through this national ministry now.

All we ask is your prayers. We have our hands full providing advocacy and support for domestic violence victims, abuse victims, spousal and children services.

We are not a scam and we will continue to minister to you as long as we have breath.
This vision was born out of our own needs after a life-changing injury. After two years of being cooped up in this house I began to pray for others, reaching out to them via email, and the ministry grew along with the issues that came to us.

Eministry, email prayer ministry, was born. We now have nationally known references. Please visit our site at www.silentministries.org/ and pray for us.
We love you and God loves you.

Outreach Pastor and Minister Jim Harnage
Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc.
Lake Park, GA

229-300-4882
229-559-6832

Letter to Abuse and Domestic Violence Victims

Hi Jim Harnage here. I serve humbly as pastor and minister for SMRO, Inc. First a big sincere thanks to you for reaching out for help. This took courage and a desire to change your life and be the miracle God wants you to be.

Firs of all, I am going to call you a miracle by faith. Though there is much work to be down I am claiming you as a vessel, beautiful, precious, and shining with the love of God. You are our miracle today.

Since there is no way to cover this in a letter most of these thoughts and more are in our book, The Thing About Abuse”, and is available through SMRO or online through Amazon and Wordclay as well as our site at www.silentministries.org.

I would like to see you make a great stride today and order this book as a step of faith, put works with your faith and desire no matter how small you think your faith is right now, and order this book. If you cannot afford the book at $15.95 then I will be more than happy to send to you the book and you can pay me back along and along at any amount you wish from one cent monthly to the whole amount. The step is up to you.

But the point I am trying to make to you is, now that you are thinking of seriously making changes in your life for the better, begin today to sow seeds toward your miracle. Sounds evangelical? Yes, it does and you’ve heard all of the pitches. This is no pitch. We all are a walking testimony to what God, faith, desire, attitude adjustment, and work will do for anyone.

You have a legitimate request and sadly it is one which we deal with answers for every day. Of course, each situation varies; still the bottom line is the silent enemy of abuse and it must be dealt with before making other strides in your life whether marriage, family, love, financial stability, career, a healthy sexual life, making friends, accepting God’s love and all that God has to offer you, and there are so many more wonderful blessings to enjoy. But we got to deal with this first, okay? Long before we get you through this you will understand that we have been there with you.

Our staff and team all have experienced their trials and life-changing events. Each of us has made great changes and we are productive individuals today. But we each went through a great metamorphosis along the way. If you knew us then and now you would not recognize us.

I was a weak, ignorant, and spineless nerd. My wife of 32 years was penniless, possessed two outfits to wear, and had no idea what the world looked like just two counties over. Today, through prayer, undying devotion, radical changes in our attitudes, countless mistakes and starting over again and again, we are professionals, small business owners, and have a vision to assist battered and abused women and children. It would take volumes to tell you what God has done for us but we had to put legs to our prayers, works with our faith, practical measure to our ideas, and after all is said and done we have to trust God and make sure that our focus is on the inner man and not on those temporal things that are here today and gone tomorrow.

I am so sorry to hear that it seems like you are in a pattern. And again, you are not alone because many if not most miracles we work with, once they meet and become involved in one abusive relationship, more follows. I cannot explain that except in simple and plain terms. I am sending you in this email an article I wrote in response to a minister's stand that women should not leave an abusive relationship.

It is a pattern that you can control once you can identify its origins but it takes courage and resolve. It could take months to unlearn thought patterns and behavior but you can do it.

The first thing you must do is begin to identify it.

The roots of abuse grow in many types of soil,

First, there is the spoil of culture. There are cultures in the United States that still condone hitting women as an acceptable form of discipline. This behavior is grounded and founded in generations of training beginning with grandpa, dad, and passed down through the generations. Mothers who were abused handed down this ungodly behavior to their daughters. Once the daughters came to them crying for help the moms told their daughters to go home. They told their daughters it was ok and that their husband was just having a bad day. Many mothers who had many children did not want their daughters back in the home because they were unaffordable and had too many mouths to feed. So, unfortunately, they encouraged their daughters to remain with abusive husbands. Then that little bride, usually less than 16 years old was admonished by “mother” to go back home where her place was in the kitchen, barefoot, and having babies.

Inside these cultures sex was for the man’s gratification and to make babies. Sons learned the behavior from their dads and this generational curse continues in many cultures and areas, especially in the more impoverished areas of this country.

Another poisonous root that stabs and destroys the innocence of young girl’s lives is in the soils of religion. Even some ministers, in their ultra-conservative haste to preserve the bonds of holy matrimony, teach that abused women should return to abusive husbands. They focus on scriptures that teach that a woman is committing adultery if she leaves her husband for any reason than adultery. If a man does not love his wife so much as to hit and beat her and destroy her emotionally then that man is already dead and that relationship is already walking dead and she is free to remarry. The next questions you must answer are where to go, fall in love again with a man who will love me, how do I know he will love me, and so many other questions.

These ministers and even some ultra-conservative religionists wrest the scriptures into such a pretzel of ideas that it seems that they wring out the entire meaning of God’s admonishments that we are to love one another. They make it appear that the entire court of marriage rests solely upon the woman or spouse to reconcile relations and preserve the sanctity of marriage. If it was just their idea it would be fractionally tolerable, for each of us are entitle to our opinion. However, when they drag God into the fracas and twist the Word of God and use the Scriptures out of context to make a point and thus destroy lives by using religion and scriptures as a threatening thus endangering the woman’s life it is ungodly and a stink in God’s nostrils. I have to take on the entire subject from pastors and theologians to entire organizations when I teach this because, unfortunately, entire congregations faithful to these ultra-conservative ministers share his or her views. What child bride or marriage veteran can escape that hell when their parents and family are party to what I call occult religion?

This is wrong and it is slap in God’s face who teaches us that a man is supposed to love a woman as much as he loves himself for what man would hurt himself or not provide for himself?

I was raised in this environment. But even then I knew in my heart that this religion was wrong. But I was captive geographically, financially, sociologically, and in many ways I, too, was convinced of these ignorant ways myself from my own raising. You see, my pastor was also my father whom I lived with and worked around every day twenty-four seven.

I allowed my mother to dominate our lives and marriage. My mother handled our finances. My mother, revered as the maternal kahuna, made our decisions. She took our tithe out of our finances and we would go without buying groceries or paying light bills and suffer the lights turned off. Having no other counselor but family we took our problems and cares to the pastor, our father and my spouse’s in-laws and the only counsel we got was more of what we heard the rest of the time.

Once I accepted that these ideas and teachings were wrong and were destroying my marriage I made some changes that would later prove to be difficult but rewarding.

I literally packed my things into a small Datsun car and moved my child bride and me to another state. We were bound and determined to start over. The advantage I had was that Carolyn loved me and I love her and that I would die for her if necessary so strong was our love.

She waited tables and I worked wherever I could. It was not easy but we reminded ourselves that we would not be destroyed by religion and past brain washing.

There are drawbacks to making these decisions and you must have a plan. I encourage you to read a book by Susan-Murphy-Milano called Moving Out Moving ON. It will provide inspiration as well as instruction for those whose only chance at survival is to move away from the abuse and even then you must have a plan called “What if?” in case your abuser or even your mom or dad follows you with the purposes of returning you to that deadly environment.

We were ultimately ostracized from family. We received letters telling us we were dogs and that we were no longer a part of the family. This from Christians who sing on Sunday, “Jesus Loves Me.” We had to disconnect from that church environment and start a new one. At that time there were not many charismatics and we had to find comfort with one another and just know in our hearts that we were right even if a million people lined up against us. Today we are among millions of people who have become part of a loving bond of families who fight abuse and domestic violence in marriage and the work place. We endured threats. We made mistakes and we paid for them but today victory is ultimately ours and those people will stand before God and give account for their actions.

There are other deadly roots that are part of this silent killer of abuse such as financial dependence. Children are involved and that compounds the problem not that the children are the problem but do you keep exposing them to the beatings and abuse or do you take them with you and if so what do you need to complete that plan? If a spouse allows alcohol abuse, drug abuse, work stress, financial stress, loyalty to his mom and dad, or other factors turn him into a ranting, raging monster of fists, ball bats, broken windows and busted faces, why would he not destroy the kids, too? So you must take them with you.

Well, so much for part one of this encouraging letter.

You have friends and you have people who love you. We love you and we need you to stay string and resolve to change your life. Begin making plans now and follow through.

Today is a new day for you.

From Jim and Carolyn, Jason, Matt and Christy, Taylor, Aubrey, and Miranda SMRO, Inc. We love you.

Testimony to God

In an e-mail dated January 19th, 2009 from Pastor Jim to Miranda:

Spontaneous prayer broke out between Carolyn and I in the truck tonight, as we joined hands and began to intercede for you, us and others.

We agreed that god is ging to give us all a breakthrough. Matter of fact, agree with us tonight for your children, yourself, and us and this ministry that God will give us a breakthrough. We are hungry to do God's will.

I was earning 100K at 30 and almost lost family and my soul.
Years later I told the Lord that I would never allow things to come between me and him and my family whoare so precious. Our famiies are all we have and the Lord.
As a matter of testimony with no self pity, I was separated from my family this past year in November. When I came out wth my testimony of abuse we had over 50 hits that night on my web site.

But I got letters from my side of the family casting us out, separating us from family, telling us we were dead to them and the same as a dog to them. We wee devastated. We knew we were in God's will but we didn't expect to get such a fight.
We learned that when you walk into Satan's grounds expect a fight. We keep our guards up now and we are vigilant and more determined than ever before to obey God and help wherever we can.

We financed this ministry out of pocket for so long now that we don't have it... however it seems like God meets the needs anyhow when the needs are there.

Two years ago I suffered an injury that set us back and eliminated $800 a week of our income and we kept on. Why? Becasue I believe in this ministry and the masses who need it. People do not need us. They need God and we want to be an instrument throug which God touches lives.

Do You have that same hunger? Do You go to bed at night with a hunger and don't what it is? It is God calling. It is wanting to do something for God, but not knowing what to do.
You awake, and go through the motions everyday. You seek happiness. You are happy yet you are hungry for something. You want someting and that something is purpose. I cannot do anything witout purpose but I can scale a mountain and run over troops when I have purpose. Nothing fuels determination like purpse.

When you are experiecing trials with family, or children, or job, or freinds, purpose fuels the dreams to make decisions, Miranda you have a gift. It is a gift of administration and it is in the bible. 1 Corinthians 12:28.

It is a gift of getting things done. Being able to discern, lead, and place an individual within their abilities.

Our prayer tonight for you is that God enrich you, enable you, fill your hungry heart, and give you a breakthrough in many, many ways.
In Jesus name. Amen.
Jim

** I must say that tonight I am posting this because God has given me the drive to lead and I have assisted in developing this ministry and today we have served over 7 cases in the last week alone. It feels great! God has enriched my life! I am giving him the Glory tonight and I am thanking Pastor Jim for giving me the courage to pursue my purpose through God **

Lowest Gas Prices Info.

If you are looking for the lowest gas prices in your area, you can find them by going to http://www.fueleconomy.gov/feg/gasprices/states/index.shtml
You can search by state and then zip code.
It will give you prices for all of the gas stations nearest to you.

Happy Hunting!

2009 Cute Kid Contest for free College Tuition Awarded

You may now enter your child into the 2009 Cute Kid of the Year Contest.
You can enter by visiting www.TheCuteKid.com

Grand Prize is $25,000 College Tuition Fund.
There is also a limited time offer for a free 11 x 14 Canvas Portrait of you child and a 1 year subscription to Parenting Magazine.

Cute Kids are used for modeling, television and print (advertising).

For those who are interested in pursuing modeling for their child, this is a great opportunity!

Specialized 2009 Bicycle Components Recalls Bicycles Due to Serious Fall Hazard

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation 

with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following 

consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately 

unless otherwise instructed. 

 

Name of Product: Specialized 2009 Model Bicycles

 

Units: About 14,000

 

Importer: Specialized Bicycle Components Inc., of Morgan Hill, Calif.

 

Hazard: The handlebars can break, posing a fall hazard to the rider.

 

Incidents/Injuries: Specialized has received two reports of the handlebar 

breaking during use, one of which caused a rider to suffer head trauma which 

resulted in unconsciousness and a puncture wound to the arm.

 

Description: This recall involves HL handlebars on the following 2009 

Specialized bicycles: Cross Trail Comp, Myka HT Comp, Myka HT Elite, Rockhopper, 

Rockhopper Comp and Rockhopper Comp 29. The model number of the HL handlebar is 

ALR-13 NTFOV and is located underneath the right hand grip of the handlebar.

 

Sold by: Authorized dealers nationwide from June 2008 through February 2009 for 

between $640 and $1,050.

 

Manufactured in: China

 

Remedy: Consumers should immediately stop riding these bicycles and contact a 

Specialized dealer for a free replacement handlebar.

 

Consumer Contact: For additional information, please contact Specialized 

toll-free at (877) 808-8154 between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. MT Monday through Friday 

or visit the firm's web site at www.specialized.com

 

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recall product, 

please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml09/09197.html

Toaster Oven/Broilers Recalled by Haier America Due to Burn or Electrical Shock Hazard

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation

with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following

consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately

unless otherwise instructed.

 

Name of Product: Toaster Oven/Broilers

 

Units: About 106,000

 

Importer: Haier America Trading L.L.C., of New York, N.Y.

 

Manufacturer: Lun Dar Electric Ind. Ltd., of Taiwan

 

Hazard: Electrical connections in the toaster oven/broilers can become loose,

posing electrical shock and burn hazards.

 

Incidents/Injuries: Haier America has received two reports of minor burns and

one report of a minor electrical shock to consumers, and one report of minor

property damage.

 

Description: This recall involves toaster oven/broilers with model number

RTO1400SS. The units are stainless steel and black plastic. "Haier" is printed

on the front and the model number is printed on a label on the back of the

toaster oven/broilers.

 

Sold at: Mass merchandisers and specialty retailers nationwide from September

2006 through January 2009 for approximately $20 to $40.

 

Manufactured in: China

 

Remedy: Consumers should immediately stop using the recalled toaster

oven/broilers and contact Haier America to receive a free replacement toaster

oven/broiler.

 

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact Haier America at (866)

927-4810 anytime, or visit the firm's Web site at www.haieramerica.com

 

Women's Chenille Robes Recalled by Blair Due to Burn Hazard

We will be publishing product recalls as part of our commitment to family and child safety.

Please read the recalls in case you own any of the products in question.

Hope you enjoy this service! Thank you!

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation

with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following

consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately

unless otherwise instructed.

 

Name of Product: Full Length Women's Chenille Robes

 

Units: About 162,000

 

Retailer: Blair LLC, of Warren, Pa.

 

Hazard: Some robes fail to meet federal flammability requirements and present a

risk of serious burns to consumers if they are exposed to an open flame.

 

Incidents/Injuries: Blair has received three reports of the robes catching on

fire, including one report of second-degree burns.

 

Description: The recall involves the Full Length Women's Chenille Robe with the

following item numbers: 3093111, 3093112, 3093113, 3093114, 3093115, and

3093116. The item number is identified on a label in the garment's neckline.

This is a one-piece garment made of plush sculpted chenille, a shaped stand

collar, and horizontal chenille front and back yolks and cuffs. The robe has a

full-button front with seven matching button closures, long sleeves with self

cuffs, a straight bottom with self hem, and two sideseam pockets. The robe's

sewn in label states: "100% Cotton, RN 81700, Made in Pakistan". Robes with

other item numbers are not included in the recall.

 

Sold at: Blair catalogs and Web site, and Blair stores in Warren, Pa., Grove

City, Pa., and Wilmington, Del., from January 2003 through March 2009 from about

$20 to $40.

 

Manufactured in: Pakistan

 

Remedy: Consumers should stop wearing the garment immediately. Contact Blair LLC

for information on returning the robe and to receive a refund or a $50 gift card

for Blair merchandise.

 

Consumer Contact: For more information, call Blair toll-free at (877) 392-7095

between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. ET Monday through Saturday, visit the firm's Web site

at www.blair.com/recall, or contact the firm by e-mail at blairproductrecall@blair.com

Stop Crying And Do Something About Spilled Milk

Another victory for mothers and babies and for Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc's Child Support Recovery. This ministry focuses on fairness on all sides. Thus being, we find ourselves in precarious situations sometimes. Like today we were pursuing a cold child support case where the mother claimed to not have recieved payments in almost a year. We went to work on behalf of the child mailing affidavits and Limited Power of Attorney papers to the State of Georgia.
Instead of a case we got the State on the move who slapped the non-supporting parent with an order to pay and an order to suspend his driver license and his right to register his vehicles for a tag this year. Wow!!!
What do I say. The father contacted us asking for help to get his case worked out because he did not know how to get back on track. That's what we do. We place derailed negotiations and other situations back on the tracks through negotiations and today we made the call to the mother about the good news. We have the State's papers in hand and are praising the Lord for His help and for a father who, even though he needed a little prodding, is doing the right thing.
We also had a chance to have prayer with the father and we picked up an unrelated paternity case. On behalf of the ensuing mother we picked up an unrelated child custody case.
Success breeds success. When people see smoke they seek out the fire.

Yes, there is something you can do about spilled milk. You can call Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, inc or go to our web site at www.silentministries.org/
Please, if you are having difficulty with your child support case there is no reason to not call us . We will write your agency and offer provision for negotiating. Sometimes the embers of a cold case just needs stirring with a fresh stick.

The Negotiator

Jim Harnage
Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc.

Should A Spouse Remain with Her Husband If He Is Abusing Her?

With this ring I thee wed in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Sound familiar? How about these words? Do you promises to love her, keep her, honor her, serve and protect her, for better for worse, for richer for poorer till death do you part?

These are words from a traditional marriage ceremony. Over the times and through changes I, as a minister, have been approached by the prospective bride and groom for counseling who protested specific words of the marriage vows being spoken such as honor, protect, and serve. Many others have presented their own set of written vows and if Scriptural I would be happy to accommodate them. But to those who wanted to do away with marriage vows altogether I kindly forewent the honor of tying their knots.

This reflects the world in which we now live far from the tears at the alter many years past and the joys of becoming man and wife once experienced. It was a day to remember .Now it is a day that many wish to forget and many have. Some willingly and others need to forget because of the painful memories of abuse and the bad breath of obnoxious behavior. For months they were devoured with love and then after six months of marriage they are devoured. Sad but correctible.

As I studied the changes that have taken place at the wedding alter I was looking at some of the old fashioned commandments of God that were meant to govern, guide, and provide peace and harmony for the newly weds then and beyond the alter.
These commandments were not offered to lessen either’s power, influence, or matrimonial status. But bring happiness, order, and a living ribbon of precepts and advices meant to bring a perpetual strand of joy, discipline, and happiness throughout the matrimonial calendar till death do us part.

Some of these old fashioned commandments were found in 1 Corinthians 7. The list is graphic and goes like this.

A woman is to have her own husband. This indicates ownership in a spiritual sense. “You are mine and no others.” Not ownership as in dictatorship, manipulation, and controlling. But it means that a woman should be able to take her husband’s love and fidelity for granted. Many marriages start out where each other doesn’t even think twice about a partner cheating on him or her. Then things happen and the Vitamin D milk weakens into skim milk and water.

A wife should not have to wonder about her man. A wife and vice verse a husband has the right to take her husband’s love and fidelity for granted else it is not a true partnership. If I have to wonder everyday if my wife is true then is no more trust and trust is 100% of a marriage. We do not have to have sex, we can make the finances work with a few adjustments, we weather sicknesses, BUT the trust cannot be sacrificed or it is to the courthouse.

Ephesians 5: 25 says plainly…husbands love your wives. We do not need any clarification. These Scriptures apply to both spouses but right now the burden on my heart is toward us men and how we are to treat our wives.

I once had a young co-worker who looked to me as dad. He was in love. It was evident with the need to be off early some evenings, come to work late some mornings, frequent cell phone calls and the whispered conversations. But I guess it was the promise ring that gave it all away. One day he asked me Mr. Jim how do you know if you love someone? Right off the top of my head I told him that if he knew the worst there was to know about someone and it didn’t matter then he was in love./ They married and live happily not far from me.

If we don’t love our wives enough to live with and over look the worst there is to know then forget it. Stop now and do not cause her any further pain. Love knows things and it doesn’t matter. Love is kind in its presentation. Love is king of the hill. Love does not need to get its way. Love does not control. Love does not beat, hurt, control, and be jealous and angry then turn around and say “I love you.” Ladies, in the early dating stage if he is like this it will manifest itself. Pray and ask God that if you suspect your to-be spouse has a problem in this area to manifest it early in some way. God loves you, ladies, and it is not the will of God for you to go trough hell to get to heaven.

A rule of thumb to discern a young man’s pride and care I had in the 80’s as a young pastor was if he takes care of his car he will take care of you. I’d tell the inquiring young ladies to look at the inside of his car. If you have to use a shovel to find a seat he might not be good for you. We cannot follow that sign today because now young men take better care of their cars and dogs better than the women.
Men are to love their wives as much as they love their own bodies. Ephesians 5:28.
Today, it is difficult to follow that rule because many men put more money into hairspray (and there is nothing wrong with hairspray), car wax, weightlifting, alcohol, and pay-per-view than they do a weekend with the wife and kids. They read and join cyber clubs on better ways to care for their jeep yet won’t give their spouse an “I love you” or the first dollar in a bouquet of roses because it is too expensive.

Love leads. Remember when we went to dances It was the young man’s position to lead in the dance.

Many of us men have lost our influence to lead our spouses in love anymore. We have a record of love and consideration way too thin and a record of abuse, harshness, controlling, pouting, must-get-our-way, feel sorry, coerce our women into apologies for things not their fault way to strong. The rebuke to our record of lack of leadership in church, ministry, work, fathering, learning how to show love to our wives, and tripping in the dance of life, and other benevolent activities is deafening.

There’s just absolutely too many ways to show your love in a very inexpensive manner and not enough space or time to list them.

Wife it might take your taking leadership into your own hands for the time being while your husband is getting it together. Sad but true. However, if your husband is beating you, holding guns to your head, provoking the children and making utter fools out of you then it is time to become strong, learn to deal with it, educate yourself of your rights, love him in heart but leave him in body before you “wake up dead.”


It is not God’s will for you to remain with a man who beats you. It is not God’s will for you to remain with a man who abuses you mentality, physically, or spiritually. Spouse rape, physical harm to your body, beating your emotions with accusations that are not true out of his jealousy, rage, drug or alcohol–driven rants, verbal assaults on your weight, appearance, ability to cook, make love, raise children, or excel at work or even work a job is not God’s will and you have carte blanche to tell him to take a hike. If you need help there are people like Peace4, us, others who love you and will help you get relocated, stable, in a job, in a home, with your children, and out of his control.
It can be rough road out of this evil desert but God is able. And God is raising people today who are taking you seriously and can help you.

Did The Church Say To Stay with an Abusive Man?

If you read the story recently of Pastor Rick Warren of mega-church Saddle Back Church in California telling others to stay with their men who beat them and you are confused let me help unscramble your brain.

Many pastors use the scriptures sometimes out of context. Out of context means outside the big picture of a whole chapter or subject. God made many instructions both in the Old Law and in the New Law for men and women on how to treat and honor their spouses.
I admonish all Christians everywhere to read the Word for themselves, pray for wisdom, and ask God to apply the Word to their lives as He shows them for their particular situation.

Pastor Warren took a passage of Scripture. It says that a “woman is to not leave the man.” Possibly the pastor took this literarily and for our culture today. Not every Scripture can be applied literally today under New Testament grace. If we did then the commandments says that if a child curses his parents he is to be stoned. I have a problem killing children for cursing the parents. Punishment and self discipline yes but drop that weapon and begin loving and setting example as parents. If you don’t want Junior to use the ”f” word at school then stop using it yourself and teach him the “J” word for Jesus.

Much of what the New Testament scripture said (and Pastor Warren uses Paul’s writings to make his family doctrine) was for a culture less advanced than ours today. Apostle Paul even said that if some of these teachings create division in the church then we will have no such custom. 1 Corinthians 11:16. Paul even terms them customs not commandments.

The customs of the Amazon where a bride can be purchased for a rug or cheap neck tie does not apply in 2009 in America today where many women bring home the bacon while dads stay home and raise the kids and this is good especially when it is agreed in love on both spouse’s parts.

1 Corinthian 6:6 the Scriptures teach some of the Scriptural directives was spoken out of preference or permission and NOT by commandment of God. What works for some might not work for others and God says this is okay. God made man special. Would God not also wish man, you and I, to walk in our uniqueness and that includes our beliefs, preferences, and things that work for us though not for another.

Acts 15:10 makes the charge that many of the commandments became yokes on the necks of Christians and even admitted that forefathers of the Old Testament were not able to wear or bear the burden of these commandments.

So if there is room for discernment, one this way, and one that way, then let’s look at another Scripture regarding marriage, abuse, and divorce.

Dead Man Walking

1 Corinthians 7:39 says that as long as a husband is alive then the wife is bound “by the law” but if he is dead she is at liberty to marry whom she will. The law that the Scripture is speaking of here is the Old Testament Law regarding marriage that was stout, fierce, and unforgiving. To secure forgiveness in those days one had to offer turtle doves, livestock, and sorts of crops as sacrifice for sins or breaking even one of the commandment. I’d be out. I might have a biscuit. That’s about it. I’d be the poster child for Clint Eastwood’s movie “Unforgiven.” Every time you broke a commandment which by the way was impossible to keep any ways, you had to offer a sacrifice of some sort or walk around all year long condemned knowing you were going to hell if the Big Guy rang your door bell.

The sacrifice of Christ on Calvary changed all that and now we ask one time for God to forgive us our sins and we accept his salvation by faith and begin the process of new freedom walk in Christ! Praise the Lord.

Jesus’ grace softened the spirit of the law and now the Word says that if you believe something do not force it on someone who does not believe the same thing for that is the wrong behavior toward one another. Let each person believe as long as it lines up with the Word and God’s grace. We all have different minds and have a God-given right to form convictions and unique opinions but we DO NOT have the right to force them, ourselves, or anything else on someone else. That is what starts wars!

If a husband is dead the wife is free. Now if a husband beats his wife, creates damage to her in body or spirit then he has corrupted or caused damage to God’s vessel and the Bible says that if ANY man hurts the temple of God then God will destroy him. Read 1 Corinthians 3:17. Many interpret this to mean if man corrupts his temple with fornication, alcohol abuse or cigarette smoking then it is his vessel that will be destroyed. But it also means if a man corrupts or destroys another vessel such as his wife with bruises, blood, guns to her head, slaps his children, starves his family, or creates discord and lack of harmony to the marriage bed or life he is corrupting another vessel and he will be destroyed. May be not immediately but when he sits in prison for life he is destroyed and only Jesus forgiveness can change him and even then he has not right to even ask to go back to the family he abused and destroyed.

If the man hits, slaps, verbally abuses, emotionally abuses, stalks, or otherwise creates disharmony in the marriage bed or life then he is dead already and will not admit it. If your husband hurts you and your children and you no longer have the potential to reasonably live with him without daily fear or if you please him so that you can live with him then you do not owe him spit and you have every right to get out, leave him standing here in the cold, take your children to family, a shelter or haven, and lock him up. Pray for God to give you strength to do this for yourself and for your children. Ok?

Religion, man, family, or someone’s interpretation of the Word of God, or someone’s preference might warn you of doomsday if you leave this tragedy that God did not mean or you to deal with but you will not go to hell for jumping from in front of a moving train. You will be blessed.

Jim and Carolyn Harnage
Child and Women’s Advocate Ministry

Minister or Pastor tells Woman to stay with her abuser??

I admire a minister for coming foward with valuable information. I place little value on minister's integrity who advise women to remain with husbands who abuse them. Most of this wisdom comes from a minister;s raising and is from a personal standpoint. Personal convictions and enforcement of Victorain practices from the pulpit or the counselor's office has no place in advising on an issue where lives are at stake.

Conservative ministers tend to treat the subject of abuse and domestic violence on the same plane with divorce. There is no comparison. We are not talking about divorce over disagreeing over the check book, purchasing too many shoes, excessive snoring, or bad breath. We are talking about facial cuts from scissors, ears chewed up with pliers, torture with barbed wire, bruised ribs and ruptured spleens from belt buckles. To advise a woman to remain in these conditions is criminal even on the part of ministers. A true minister will assist the woman in getting out of this hell on earth. To come forward with info after the fact that she is dead is not noble. I've just completed a case as a minister where info was given to me during a confession where I was legally advised that in the case of criminal activity there is no minister/client priviledge and if I did not come forward I could be viewed by the court as an accessory.

What A Day!!

What a day! Blessings are popping out like sweat on a bird dog passing a peach seed.
I praise God for His love and blessings today. So many doors opened for us minister.
We had been working a child support case. Now listen folks, Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach and Child Support Recovery is more than kick-doors-in-and issue-warrants agency. We may have to strap up and do a serve however we like to go the easy route if possible and today was a blessing.

Just as we had readied for a serve I made a phone call as a last ditch effort to reach this individual. The Lord blessed and we were able to talk him into a negotiation that worked for both parents. And we had the chance to pray for this individual. As a result we were offered another job due to the confidence this man placed in our behavior and professionalism. We were going to "serve" him and ended up making friends and praying for him.

Get this. As I was sitting on the road side speaking with this individual a couple pulled up noticing our door signs. This couple was asking for help. They were about to lose their child to the courts. All of this over faulty and incorrect information provided by the truant officer. The parents had correct documentation but it's like I've said before it is difficult to get courts and goody-two shoes to listen to people who do not appear to have money. Appearances are judged and this family were being judged by appearances and their lack.

They did not know their rights. While sitting in the vehicle I contacted Legal Aid, Children Services, and juvenile court, never letting this family leave until I had got them satisfaction. At last I got them a quick hearing with the county and in the process got them an attorney through Legal Aid. My phone rang four times late this evening from them with thanks and gratitude. Oh yes, I had prayer with them by the road and God worked changes in their lives before the sun went down.
That is what is all about! Yeh!!!

As a bonus through honesty and professionalism we picked up a domestic case through one of the families as well.

If you owe child support and are having a difficult time meeting the court ordered obligations and need negotiating call us. Our agency and ministry is such that we are capable of meeting with and negotiating with both sides.

I don't like the word side or non-custodial parent. I believe that if a father loves his child he still has custody in his heart of his child. Being late on payments or behind and accumulating arrearage of unmet payments does not "always" mean that a parent does not love his child. Tragedy, sickness, lay-offs, injury, hard times and bad luck happen to both parents of the child. Being behind on payments does not always mean the dad or mom is a dead beat. Granted many and a huge portion just do not want to pay but we are not going to throw out the baby with the bath water.

We will help you negotiate your payments taking all things into consideration.

Love you lots.
Jim SMRO

Erie County Ohio Legislation Cutting Funds Needed to Protect and Serve the Abused

I am a little bit disturbed today as I read an article from yesterday's local newspaper. However, this article sites exactly what our ministry is all about. When you cannot depend on the government officials and law enforcement agencies to protect the children and families who are abused, they must have somewhere to turn. This is why our ministry focuses on the abused. These are the individuals who need the most help from us… Keep reading and you will understand!

The article in the Sandusky Register says that Governor Ted Strickland's proposed budget, if adopted by legislation, will seriously cut resources for the Erie County Department of Job and Family Services.

11 social workers who work for the county's abused or neglected children, will lost their jobs.

Strickland is also planning on cutting $62 million allocated for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) funds.

Due to the lack of staff, many children's abuse cases will go unattended such as the little three year old boy who died in 1990 when his mother's boyfriend put him in a bathtub of scalding water. The boy's family had been previously investigated; however he was placed back into the home after investigations were completed by social workers.

When this situation happened, Erie County Social Workers were handling up to 60 cases a piece. There is no way that children can be kept safe when there are this many cases assigned to one social worker. It is impossible. I am disgusted that a government official thinks that of all places to cut money, this would be one of the options on the table.

Right now, Erie County Social Workers only have a caseload of 11 cases per social worker. This caseload is manageable… but anything more than this is ridiculous.

The cuts that Strickland is proposing will cut the number of social workers from 27 to 15. This will essentially double each of their caseloads. On top of that funds will be cut from their operating budget, making it even more difficult for them to do their jobs.

Ms. Englehart, who is the president of Public Children Services Association of Ohio, has teamed up with four other groups to try and gain attention from legislators like Representative Dennis Murray, democrat of Sandusky.

It is proven that when there is recession with tough economic times that the number of abuse cases goes up. This is due a lot because of stress and frustration experienced by caregivers and parents, actually having nothing to do with the child or children abused.

Now would be a terrible time for these budget cuts to take place.

It looks like Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach has some letter writing to do in assisting to grab the attention of the lawmakers and legislative officials. Now is the time to act…

Please everyone leave me a comment about this article, I want to know what others think about this issue at hand. Thank you! God Bless, Miranda Rhuda, Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Executive Assistant.

Updates on Ministry Progress

New Property.
We are happy to report that we have a placed a binder on a small property in the Southeast United States. Upon completion of due diligence and acceptance this property will serve a three fold purpose. As a residence and a base from which to work this ministry.


School of Life and Bible Studies

As a point from which to begin our newest School of Life and Bible Studies available immediately by correspondence.
As a base from which to organize and begin our newest ministry in Victim's Protection and Relocation Services with respect to domestic violence including stalking.

Victim's Protection and Relocation Services.
We are strongly entertaining and praying about the idea to become involved in Victim's Protection and Relocation Services with respect to domestic violence. We are not entering this arena without great thought and counsel. As well as a lot of prayer.

We recently purchased a used vehicle for this ministry and are praying for another good used vehicle to serve to as transportation for domestic violence and stalking victims to and from court appearances, medical appointments, and even employment interviews. We feel that providing a presence for children and adults at hearings, counseling, depositions, and even trials will offer strength and comfort in numbers.

The Child Support Recovery ministry is slowly gaining momentum as requests for applications are beginning to come from other states. Miranda just opened an abuse case and already we are recieving prayer support from several recognized individuals and entities across the country.

Remember, you do not need an attorney to recover your child support or to serve a warrant for Contempt of Order. Most cases, we are legally able to file your orders for you. If you cannot afford filing fees there are programs available through pro se and forma pauperis but you must act timely over your opponent to receive the advantage of these mechanisms.

The Thing About Abuse, one of our newest books, is available. While sitting in a vocation workshop yesterday the instructor had been reading the book during breaks. Afterwards she expressed to me in tears how much that little reading had done for her. She expressed that she liked the way we took Scripture and applied them to every day life.

Why are we excited? Because every child support case, abuse case, legal matter, and challenge is an opportunity to witness God at work. Please join with this ministry and help us help others.

Negotiating Child Support

Hi there. Pastor Jim here with Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach. I have a message for some of those who have chosen not to pay support and abandon their family.

Sooo...you've decided that you no longer want the responsibility of supporting the children of your loins? Too much of a good thing, huh? You've decided to run away from responsibility. So, if you think that the two of you could not make it a go with both working just how in the hell do you think that she is going to make it on her own with just one job and three kids to support? You are one lazy, sorry, S.O.B. You think she can go to mamas with the kids and mama can feed and clothe, provide schooling and medical care for the family on a small pension or disability check. You don't care do you? She will cry all night because the car is broken down, the baby has strep and can't go to the doctor, there is no milk and diapers. But you don't care because you are jacked up on crack, tramping with another loser who ran from God and a good home.

I wouldn't give you two rusty cents for your health, mentality, or your wealth for this decision you've made to make your family suffer like this.

Oh, forget the crap and crocadile tears and those lousy excuses how she doesn't appreciate you, how you have worked so hard, and some one else will appreciate you more. The Executive Administrative Assistant for Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach is working four jobs between her and her husband to make ends meet and catch up from lay-offs so don't give me that crap that you can't find a job.

You are looking for an excuse and you found it now.

You are at a crossroads and I'll give you three choices.

Acknowledge that you are a sorry good-for-nothing-excuse-of-a-man and that you want to change who you are. Ask God for help to be a man and go look for work. Ask for help in your circumstances and get your family in church.

Who cares if your mama never breast fed you or your daddy never hugged you , no one forced you to make babies.

Admit that down deep inside you there is an individual who really wants to be the man God created you to be, to be fruitful, and productive in this life and not just making babies. You've thought with what's in your pants and now it's time to think with what's between your ears.

Or, you can pay an attorney a lot of money and get a divorce and she'll be the worst pain in your side for evermore because she will get everything you make for the rest of your life.

You can stand before a judge and sniffle because you could not make a go of it and claim irreconcilable differences and an irretrievable marriage. Man you sure were hot on that blond bomber at the bar the other night weren't you? It wasn't so irretrievable then was it? Your problem? You lust for something strange. Is that home-wrecker at the bar going to nurse your fevers and put up with your stinking feet in bed, though? No. Will she hold a cold rag to your face when you are puking out your guts from the virus? Are you going to feel comfortable with farting in front of her? No.

Or, you can run like a dog in heat away from your family, your high school sweet heart, the babies and the bills, responsibility of a job, and I can come after you.

Uh huh. That's right. Because she will call me from any where in this blessed country.and God and I will stay so close on your heels you will beg to come home. Can I do this? You bet your sweet patooty. And I will find you if it takes me forever and even then I'll serve you with a summons at St. Peter's gates.

She will have the money to get you because I will be sure she has the services she needs on count of those babies. You see, it's all about the kids. Not you nor her but the kids, bad boy.

I will catch you and you and I will have an alter call. I will help you remain broke, penniless, low-life, lonely, crappy, you will drive a rattle trap, and you will eat spam because I will find you and collect an offering. While you are boasting how no one will make you do what you don't want to, I will make you jump from phone to phone, residence to residence, state to state, job to job, under-the-table payoffs, because I will claim your paychecks, tax refunds, driver licenses, passports, and you will keep a very tired eye out all the time wondering when is it going to happen.

You can hide behind that Sugar Mama who claims to love you, claims to keep you erectile functional, and allow her to pretend that she likes it, but after my Sunday School lesson with her she will turn on you and leave you spit less, gutted, and empty and I will make her turn on you. You think you have hidden all the assets but I have ways of knowing where you are, where those little babies are, and how to get in touch with your sweet spots and baby, there is no heaven later when you play hell on earth.

And for every bruise you leave behind that's a bruise you will eventually account for.

Big talk from a little man? Nope. That's facts from God, The Word, and Pastor Jim. Let's you and me get together and help you support those kids now...or later.

Will the ushers come forward? Pass the offering plate, please.

This is Pastor Jim. It's time for Life Lessons.

Silent Ministries Recovery Outreach, Inc.

Child Support Recovery

Help Alexis and DV Victims Fight for GPS on Offenders

Below we have proof that the CPEDV, The California Partnership to End Domestic Violence is opposing the use of GPS with DV. They say GPS is of no value it is a, “quick fix” like a pipe dream or something when in fact it is proven 100% effective.

If you are reading this email it is because you or someone you love or know is or has been a victim of domestic violence.

GPS is not a end all cure all but it is absolutely better than what victims of domestic violence in CA have now which is absolutely nothing.

There is nothing worse than living in fear, I think this is worse than taking the beatings. GPS is a tool that would actually aid victims to prevent further acts of violence and help give women and children a fighting chance to protect themselves.

Please join with me in protest of the CPEDV opposition of the use of GPS technology with domestic violence.

There are millions of victims in the state of CA and they all have family and friends in comparison to the 200 person CPEDV organization. By the pure numbers we should be able to raise more than 200 signatures in support of the use of GPS with DV.

It is not easy for victims to be brave. Most domestic violence victims are so beaten down that they have no hope, however if they see your posts and read that other victims, their family members and their friends are speaking out it is my hope that they will be brave and post also a letter of support for the use of GPS with DV.
United together we can make a difference for victims of domestic violence.

Thank you
Alexis A. Moore

Below is the proof that comes from the judge...

April 14, 2009

The Honorable Alberto Torrico
State Capitol
Room 319
Sacramento, CA 95814

Re: AB 1081 (Torrico) – Oppose Via Facsimile 916.319.2120

Dear Assemblymember Torrico:

The California Partnership to End Domestic Violence (CPEDV) regrets to inform you that after carefully reviewing AB 1081, we have decided to take a formal position to OPPOSE the bill. This measure would require court-ordered electronic monitoring of convicted domestic violence parolees and probationers, as well as violators of protective orders. While we appreciate your commitment to protecting the safety of domestic violence victims, we feel that this bill carries too many unintended consequences to move forward in its current form.

CPEDV is a statewide, membership-based coalition of 200 domestic violence service providers, advocates and individuals, who support innovative solutions to ensure safety and justice for victims and survivors of domestic violence and their children. Over the course of our 25-year history, we have worked with lawmakers and our allied partners to enact over 100 statutes.

AB 1081 is part of a nationwide effort to implement GPS monitoring for domestic violence offenders. While CPEDV has long advocated justice for victims and accountability for offenders, we have major concerns with this legislation, which are listed below.

• GPS monitoring should not be viewed as a panacea or “quick fix” for threats of future violence. GPS monitoring is only effective as part of a larger coordinated system. If not enough trained officers respond quickly when an offender approaches a victim, and if courts lack resources to hold offenders accountable, the monitoring devices will not be effective.

• GPS can complicate an already delicate dynamic in communities where relations between law enforcement and advocates are not strong. In order for a GPS system to be effective, it would be necessary for a community-based advocate to explain to victims how the offender tracking system works, and its benefits and risks.

• There could be unintended costs to survivors resulting from the bill’s stipulation that offenders pay for their tracking devices when possible. If offenders are required to pay for the technology it could complicate child support, rent or mortgage payments, etc., which can adversely affect the offenders’ victims and children.

• Active monitoring of perpetrators is only effective if an administrator continually monitors the location of offenders, 24/7. Additionally, perpetual monitoring would require the victim, who has not committed a crime, to be tracked 24 hours a day. This raises serious safety and privacy risks. It also creates a risk that the offender or offender’s attorney may try to obtain the victim’s location records in an effort to intimidate or harass the victim. For safety, a monitoring agency’s policies should restrict access to a victim’s location to the fewest staff possible, and routinely purge victim location records. Such best practices are not currently address in the bill. Additionally, any victim who is considering carrying a GPS device must be fully informed of all risks and benefits, provide consent before being tracked, and must be allowed to withdraw that consent at any time.

• Mandating a statewide “one size fits all” approach instead of rolling out grant-funded pilot projects in a few counties is problematic. GPS tracking may not be the most effective way to combat violence in all communities.

• The bill suggests that a “risk assessment” will be made to determine the likelihood of a perpetrator to reoffend. However the current bill language does not address the substance of these assessments, or important questions regarding their development and administration. Who does the assessment? If probation/parole assesses at a bail hearing and the hearing takes place in the middle of the night, what happens when certain counties don’t have 24-hour staff on hand to handle it? Will advocates and mental health professionals be involved in the development of this assessment? Is there certainty that victims who violate protective orders or are on parole/probation will not be fitted with a GPS device?

• It is critical to not divert existing resources, energy and staff time away from other vital community efforts like domestic violence prevention. GPS monitoring could work well when the entire community is ready for it, but it could complicate and/or derail other domestic violence efforts if introduced prematurely.

• While there are some victims who would be more likely to seek help from law enforcement as a result of this bill, patterns of domestic violence in some communities suggest that using GPS to monitor offenders will silence many others. This effect is most likely to impact victims of color, who might hesitate to invite such an invasive law enforcement intervention into their families and communities.

• GPS tracking should not be used as an excuse to release inmates in overcrowded prisons when budgets are strained. However on the surface it appears to be a good way to reduce jail and prison costs, and could easily be leveraged to this end.

CPEDV has been communicating with your office and we are committed to working with you to sensitively design legislation that incorporates GPS monitoring with appropriate safeguards. We strongly feel that this needs to happen before legislation of this scope is allowed to move forward. We recommend that you amend this measure to create a taskforce to consider the feasibility of a GPS pilot project in a few counties, to ensure that GPS monitoring is not endangering victims or being used inappropriately. In addition, the task force can be charged with developing protocols and procedures for using risk assessments (which data have shown to be unreliable), ensuring victim safety, educating domestic violence victims and service providers about this policy and training law enforcement and judges. Furthermore, the task force can be responsible for researching GPS programs in other states and talking to advocates, law enforcement and state coalitions involved to find out the pros, cons and best practices.

As you move forward with your bill CPEDV encourages you to consider all of the following recommendations:

• Develop a taskforce that would be charged with researching and developing the feasibility of a GPS pilot project in a few counties with a report to the legislature outlining best practices and costs associated with a plan.
• Victims should be included in the decision to use a GPS system. Allowing victims to participate will empower them to make the best choice for their personal safety, without fear that their abusers will influence their ability to seek help.
• Ensure that a risk assessment is administered by trained mental health professionals, or that law enforcement officials make the determination with the help of such professionals in coordination with domestic violence advocates, and with the judge’s ultimate discretion.
• Require that GPS technology only can be used to monitor perpetrators, and stipulate that it be used only as a tool to convict them when they violate the terms of a restraining order, not if they commit other crimes.

Thank you for your desire to protect survivors of domestic violence. As AB 1081 moves forward we hope that you will consider all our concerns and take appropriate amendments. We look forward to continued collaboration to ensure that unintended consequences are avoided.

Sincerely,

Kendra Harris
Public Policy Manager